i'm nobody's little weasel

Looking at the majority of people I know with boy/girlfriends, I think, why would I ever want that? I wouldn't.

But then I realize that my thoughts were just the same about a year ago, until some kisses changed them. And what came of that? Well, nothing. Nothing but a friend that I talk to very very occasionally, and see much less than I say I will.

And some boys that I don't know what to call. Friends? Acquaintances? Exes?

My feelings are always changing.

I have a new favorite song.

The play is over, and I'm glad. Please come and see the next one when I'll have a real part.

I had my first cry of 2006, thanks to The Salad Dressing Debacle.

I had a beautifully metaphorical moment last night, running to a lighthouse.



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me: "i'm not emo."
a boy: "i know. you're just different."

cyclical

I've been getting so little sleep lately. Actually, I just sleep at all the wrong times. Not at night.
I think it's making me lose my memory.

I wrote "Adieu, adieu, adieu. I will be someone new" in my notebook today and I can't remember why. At all. I like the sound of it but what was I thinking about?

I also circled this thing on a worksheet in AP Psych. About classical conditioning. We had to write what the respones and stimuli and I don't know what were in different situations. So anyway the thing I circled was something about a guy and his ex-girlfriend and they had this cd they listened to together, so now whenever he hears a song from it he feels 'bitter sadness.' I know that the unconditioned stimulus is the breakup and the conditioned stimulus is the song (at least I think that's right) but I don't know why I circled it, like I had to think about it later.

Absent-minded writing. I don't know what to tell you.

textual healin'

So it has come to my attention, well, a few weeks ago, that I rarely ever have girls in my dreams. At all. Well ok maybe they'll be in the background or something but they won't really have faces. Or once or twice there's someone who when I wake up I'm like "What? I've never even TALKED to her." The main people in the dreams that I remember are always guys, and myself. I think it's weird. And it's weird that in two of my dreams, months apart from each other, I've had a beard. Had a beard like it was no big deal, but then I wake up and realize girls don't have beards.

I don't know. Dreams are crazy.

I do know, though, that I remember them because I wake up while having them. Thanks, AP Psych.

Man I'm excited for new classes. F'real. Sculpture, Enviro Sci and Mass Media instead of Stats, Gym and Adv Photo.

Oh yeah. I'm so so so glad Adv Photo is over. That class made me so angry most of the time. And, my final project? I got mega marked down on it.. "The difference between a good project and a great project is attention to details." I'll show you attention to details (I don't know what that means).

And it's snowy. How sweet is that?

And I cannot wait for spring break.



P.S. It's a little pathetic how much I play Guitar Hero. But can you blame me?

all these people drinking lover's spit

I don't know exactly what I'm thinking. A lot about love, I know that. Everyone's got rings on their fingers and everyone is in love. And I wonder if they really are, or what does that even mean? Because it's just a word you know. And ____ told me this morning that he's in love with me (wasn't the first time).. and maybe he really thinks he is.. but can he be when I don't feel the same at all? I wouldn't think so..

It's just a word.

wawawa

Maybe half an hour ago, I was attempting to study, and I fell asleep on my notebook. Forehead right on the spiral so I had some nice lines going on when I woke up. How does that even happen?

word

After school today I was feelin' the darkroom vibe. So I dug up some old negatives.. well my self portrait stuff from last year. And I printed this picture of me hula-hooping. It's so fantastic words can't describe (I'd never seen it in picture form before because I never took the time to print it). But my face is class sick.

enough to break the ice

After taking Roman home tonight I had fifteen minutes before I needed to pick my sister up from practice. So you know what I did? I parked my car at Traxler, got out and skated. With no skates.. and hardly any ice. I mostly just used up time sliding and spinning around and just jumping on the ice until it cracked (if I was on the river that would've been a bad move).

But, my point is, I'm happy enough to dance. I've been happy enough to dance all year. And maybe it's only been a week, but it's something.



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"We're performing a covert operation. Sorry if you've got places to be."

dig if you will the picture

Lately I've been thinking about the future, a little more than usual. Not planning or anything.. no, that's ridiculous. But I'm just thinking what classes to take next year, where I'll go to school after that, what I'll do. And I'm STILL (yes, still, after over a year. if it was meant to, my mind would've changed six times by now) thinking/knowing that photography has to be involved somehow. And maybe not even the center of my attention. But it just has to be in there somewhere. I mean, maybe I'll become a heart surgeon.. but on the side, I'll take some breathtaking pictures.

I'm already excited for the classes I'll be taking next year. This always happens. I'm a nerd.

I really don't like seeing people buy Christmas things a whole year early. It makes me feel really weird. Like how do they know what they'll be doing a year from now?

Guess who's sticking to their resolutions? Not me. Because I don't have any. Only things that are resolutions but are not at the same time and are just things I shouldn't do and shouldn't think and should say and should feel. And I am not. And am. Respectively.

Thanks to being easily amused, I now know my top ten favorite carbonated beverages. I made a list first hour, but I lost it. So I made a list in my head, and it goes..
1. Cherry Coke
2. Dr Pepper
3. Mountain Dew
4. Santa Coke
5. Kiddie Cocktail
6. A 'n' Dub (RB)
7. Any and all orange sodas
8. A 'n' Dub (Cream Soda)
9. Ginger Ale
10. Punch

And number 10 makes me wonder (again).. well, first of all, do people just mix up a bowl of punch for their house? And, if not, here's my question... why not? Punch is always good. Always.





P.S. My title's totally Prince lyrics.

i

don't.