time froze, like an ocean

Sometimes I just want to look into a crystal ball and know how things will turn out, so I can stop worrying about how they're happening. You know, I have it in me. One of my ancestors was a gypsy. True story.

Right now, I guess, everything is kind of in transit. I mean with friends. It seems that things could be getting better, things could be getting worse, and it's like right exactly now is the in-between.

And it also seems like things are falling back into place. People are falling back to.. the people they should fall back to. I hope.



I think my favorite band for the past three years will hold its spot for the rest of time.




P.S. carly P.S.









R.I.P. M. Petunia G.

everything was beautiful and neapolitan swirl

I just really get so upset about it when I think too much. We used to have fun. And we didn't have to snort Xanax to do it.



What the crap are you thinking?




[I deleted a lot of this]

nothing runs like a deere

Oh yeah so that picture to your right is my brother and I circa 1991. See? We've always been disgustingly adorable. It's not like that's a new development.

1, 2, skip a few, 99, canada!

I just stepped out on some snow barefoot to see if I could ever be an eskimo. And yeah, they probably wear shoes or boots but you can't tell me they don't take them off from time to time. Everyone's gotta. Or else you get trenchfoot or something.

So, let's see. What's new? Oh yeah... Going to Whistler. I'm not going for a while though, like near spring break whenever that is. But listen it's gonna be spectacular. Um, snowboarding? Pancakes? Doing that thing where you roll in the snow then run to the hot tub? Sweet.

I've gotta remember to fill out some applications soon. Like even though it's way early. I'm basically signing away a good part of my summer, but the way people here have been sucking lately, it doesn't seem like a huge deal.

Oh. Well. I'm out.



PS

melodrama kings and queens

So I'm a pretty calm person. I mean maybe that's even an understatement. I don't get mad, and don't yell (pretty much can't). But today? Well I yelled and I got straight up pissed. I dropped the F-Bomb too many times to count. All in one flat out brawl with the same person. And, man, let me tell you.. it was beautiful. The birds sang and the sun shone and.. and an orchestra played.

Sorry man.. but you're more than deserving of a couple fuck yous.

car it suck

The whole world is upside down. Or just... really freakin' weird.

"Change sucks" - coming from the mouth of someone who does everything now they claimed they never would, who is almost the opposite of what they were a year ago, who traded their real friends for new friends who they're now also betraying. I don't know, I hate it.

So my good friend and her boyfriend talked last night, about how they're both afraid to fall in love. And afraid to get hurt. And they said "Let's fall together." Which.. well, on one hand it could be from a movie, so full of cheese. But then I almost want to tell her not to, because I've seen four (I believe that's where the count is now) relationships in the last month turn to so much crap. These were first loves. These were so much trust, and now my friends are so sad and there's nothing I can do because it's heartbreak. So, stay away from that. Until, you know, you're old and stuff.

For now, good friends is where it's at. And dancing on toes in kitchens.

***

I'm gonna make a snow angel tomorrow if it's the last thing I do... tomorrow.



P.S. I'm proud to announce that I made it through Valentine's Day without eating a single conversation heart ("more like... gross.. hearts")

middle = lunchmeat

I am so mediocre. I mean really. With friends, with school, with just everything in my life. I don't know where I'm ever above average. I'm cool with it though. But it's something I think about whenever I see my grades, or get artwork entered in a contest and sent right back, or audition and don't get even the tiniest part. I'm just good enough to be considered, but not to be chosen. Or something.

Plus I can't even make a decent coil pot. Sheeesh.

those drugs you got won't make you feel better

I don't mean to sound like a public service announcement, but, you know, I never really believed what health teachers and "truth" commercials said about pot, and how it changes people. I thought it was all just to make us say no. But it's true, idiots really will ditch their friends for it. I really hate sitting across from her in class and knowing that she's high right then. And that's all she ever is. Either high or talking about it. So most of the time I don't pay attention, but I'd really like to just tell her how stupid I think she is. But she'd rather associate with uninteresting people because they have interesting substances. So I say eff ittttt.

So I'm sick. I haven't been able to eat too much lately and that's no good. All day today I was losing my voice but it was mostly just entertaining. I don't think I've lost my voice completely for like 10 years maybe. It's been forever, I wouldn't hate it, I wouldn't have to talk.

Despite the whole spontaneously cracking voice thing, I tried out for some Shakespeare mumbo jumbo kind of just for fun. I did the part of a dude. What's with that? No one else had to be all transsexual-like. Oh well, I think I did alright. Well, I always say that but this time I think it's true. I guess I will find out and, hey, if I don't get a part... guess what... I don't really care.

$$$

More than a few times lately, I've looked around and just thought, everything I see costed money, money that could've been spent on other things.. that could've been put to better use. But does it make me waste it any less? Not a whole lot.




And the past tense of "cost" is "costed," according to my dictionary. I for one think it sounds ridiculous.



P.S. How sweet is it that I misspelled "dictionary" the first time around?

it's ok to think electricity

Spiced Apple Cider is deeelish. I mean in terms of hot drinks you make from powder, it's pretty top notch. Except I spilled it all over the teacher's desk in first hour. Ooooh well.

So school is pretty easy. I fall asleep a lot. I thought I had narcolepsy (this was when we talked about it in AP Psych) but then I realized I'm only tired all the time because I stay up til 3 in the morning every night. That might be the reason behind it all. But, yeah, school. So I drink hot chocolate and eat pop tarts while making a hideous coil pot, then I take notes about things like "Spaceship Earth," then spend a class talking to Amber about the profundity of the lyrics "mix yo' milk wif mah cocoa puffs," then watch film festival movies or british how-to-make-movies movies, go to lunch, listen to some tunes in advisory, sleep through english, b.s. articles in newspaper, then spend spanish class talking to Chrisser about foot-tall people. It's really not too bad at all. I just wish there were sweeter people in my second hour. On the first day I was disappointed about that, but then I remembered.. there's only a modicum* of sweet people at this place anyway.

La di daaaaaaa

I'm feeling pretty in between things lately. Happy, yeah. I'd even say content. But then there's some things I don't know about. But I'm fine just being for now. Or "just chillin'" as Roman would've said last year.

And, like, I wouldn't say I have regrets. But I do feel like I handled things like a real Sweeney when it came to a few fellas not too long ago.





*vocab word.. couldn't resist using it
















OH yeah.. Happy February.

mountaineers

So this girl in one of my classes today was talking about gay marriage, and how she couldn't be more against it. When I asked her why, she said something like "if they allow gay marriage, the next thing we know people will be marrying their dogs and giving it to them up the [butt], and people will say oh let them be happy." Dear miss, you are ridiculous. That's like saying back in the day "slavery should stay. if we let the slaves go free, next thing you know, people won't wear pants." You're thinking Pants? Slaves? Those aren't at all related. Well, precisely. Homosexuality and bestiality aren't all too related either. I don't see how people can be so ignorant. I mean, sure, there are some that say they're "preserving the sanctity" of marriage (that doesn't make much sense to me either) but why not just accept that homosexuality exists? And that love between two men or two women could possibly be just as real as love between a man and a woman? And.. what's wrong with happiness anyway?

Whatever. Argue with me. I won't argue back though. Gay marriage is fine with me. I'm not going to go marry a girl but it's fine with me if you do. And I suppose it's okay with me if you're against it, I won't try to change your mind. But at least be respectful, and.. you know... reasonable. Sheesh.

And on another note that's not really too much of an other note, I'm probably going to see Brokeback Mountain soon and am amply pumped about it.