do tell

Is it really so horrible to swim in the things you love and stay away from those you can't stand?

I kind of thought that was the norm.

pants- stay out of 'em

Hate to say it but it's time to retire my favorite jeans. I just realized a few of the holes are kinda skankatron. So, bye-bye pants. Bye-bye spot of purple paint from my art project in 9th grade. What a sad day...

I'm over it.

One summer Deanna and I tried to turn "Pants" into a substitute word for Shit/Damn.
Ex: "Holy Pants, what is that?!?" / "Paaaaaants, that's a lot of cake."
Needless to say it didn't really catch on.


PSPSPS: It was storming a year ago today. That's crazi-MAZING!

no, i'm not a skeptic.. anymore

There's not much that beats rain. Not much that I know, at least.

After I got home from work I took a walk, singing along to the songs that remind me of so much, and I was happy. But for some reason I don't know I purposely took the same path that I walked with someone that well I don't exactly enjoy thinking about. So the whole time I was thinking about that walk and that night it was raining too. And I could even remember what piece of pavement we were standing on when he put his arm around me and just everything. And I know it wasn't even half a year ago but still. Why is everything such a vivid memory even when I don't want it to be? Even then my mind was always on someone else yet I can't forget any of it. And it's not that I regret it. I like to think everything means something. And there was purpose in that.

I just wish that he would've been someone else instead.


Anyway, on a completely different note maybe, everything's pretty great lately. There's not really a thing to complain about. Okay, I take that back. My neck friggin' kills! I can only guess it has something to do with ice skating Saturday but I can't be sure.

And I guess I can have one more complaint but that's really all I have. My dear great friend is heartbroken, and I wish I could've been there more for her today than a hug and a minute of talking in the hallway. I hardly see her, and I miss her.



But really, the point of this whole thing, was to say that everything's top-notch. Pretty much.

comparative strangers behind half-closed doors

how about some meaning instead?

case o the ha ha ha-ha's

I care more about hot chocolate than clay eskimoes.
More about movie quotes than pollution.
More about my interpretation of RENT than sexual motivation.
More about walking funny than making a real movie.
More about controlling my breathing than the Old Man and the Sea.
More about cell phones than newspaper stories.
And more about drawing flowers than Venezualan culture.

(Why I don't get good grades)

But I'm 1/5 of the way through writing a book review.. for a book I've read 1/5 of.

whoever invented headeaches?

suuuuuucks

..you've said it all

Right now I'm watching "Trick My Truck" on CMT. It's right where it belongs, because it's the most country thing I've seen in a while. They put hydraulics on a semi. Who does that?

But I'm just waiting until Miami Ink comes on. And for my brother to come home, so I can congratulate him. because... he... got ... in.... to..... Madison (slow motion used for effect). His number one, where's he's been on the waiting list.

And I didn't know this until tonight, because no one tells me anything :(
(You'd think someone would've bothered to mention it)

But it makes me so so so happy because
-he's happy
-my family (my parents and my dad's whole side) will be happy that he's following tradition
-he'll be with his girrrlfriend
-it's close. close enough for me to get to on a whim if i just need to be around the only part of my family that doesn't drive me crazy 100% of the time. you know, if he lets me.

But the fact that my Jack knows what he's doing next year really makes me realize that he won't live here anymore, and I'm already not looking forward to it.


And, as for me? I have no idea what I'm doing after high school. Maybe I'll travel the world, walk the streets of Paris with a trenchcoat carrying a loaf of French bread under my arm, or go to Iceland and eat a ham sandwich. You in?

the world is ending, don't you even know?

"Missouri authorities reported nine people killed [by tornado], including four whose bodies were found in the rubble of homes near the town of Renick."

Want to know something? My grandpa lives there. And not just that, but this happened next door. What kind of luck is that? To be so close to danger but to come out safe. He's safe. Our family's fine. And I'm lucky, I realize that.

I need to be more thankful. For everything. Man, don't we all...

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

And this is/was my aunt's house:

Luckily, no one was in it at the time.

memory ln pt 2

I felt better when I realized.. I'm always missing stuff. During "the days" of which I typed, I missed Ryan and Adam and everyone and hanging out at Peace Park and going to 'Chotchky's.' So someday everything's gonna change all over again and I'll miss these days that are happening right now. Does what I'm saying make sense at all?

I question that a lot. Whether or not I make sense.

Anyway. Know who I miss? Who really is worth missing? My Roman. It's crazy how rarely I see her. And the only times lately we've actually had full conversations (besides just heys in the halls) in the past month or so is on the phone. I even called last week to talk to her mom, haha. But baaaah, I miss Roman and I miss TMG.

Miss miss miss Mississippi.

I had this dream Thursday (if you've seen me since then there's a chance that I've told you about it) that it rained so much that basically the whole world was flooded. Except for, well, a lot of the world. My neighborhood was fine. And since they had no place else to go, my family took in a family of soccer-playing talking horses.

I had about a million dreams Thursday since I didn't go to school just to sleep. All of them: pretty pointless. And I think I'll go have some more, if I can sleep.

memory lane isn't so far way

Clara and I sit in first hour, and we make things out of clay, and we drink spiced apple cider, but mostly we get all nostalgic and like reminiscent of "the days." The thing is it wasn't even a full year ago. And there were no fights or anything which ended "the days," it was just.. summer started, people got jobs, boyfriends, girlfriends, lives outside of our crew. But it sucks. And, I know, I've said this in here and out loud many times but it doesn't change the fact that it sucks.

But then we get to thinking that mid-March was the beginning of everything. March 11 to be exactly exact. And perhaps the good times are coming around again. It's the spring season we're looking for.

i've never heard of them, so they must be cool (too cool for me)

Oh my goooodness! I hate when people try to reference the most obscure movies/music simply for the sake of seeming original or nonconformist. I mean, really, it's not so horrible if you enjoy something that is enjoyed by others, or even something that's.. you know.. popular (God forbid!). Seriously, you're knowledge of things "below the radar" is really not impressive at all.

can't escape this line of best fit

I just won a free* laptop!

*details apply


I took this personality assessment type thing last night. Apparently I'm a freewheeling creator. So.. that's neat. But I also have really low trust in others, well, according to that. But really I think it's only because it asked things like "Do people usually have good intentions?" and, honestly, a lot of them don't.. so what do you want me to do?

My jeans are wet from walking through the park. In the snow. It was like mashed potatoes.

So... we're not having a spring show at Craig. That's not cool no matter how you look at it. We were going to do Clue, everyone was pumped, but that didn't work out. We still could've done something but we're not. We're focusing more attention on Follies instead. This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Seniors don't even get they're senior show, we didn't even have a decent winter play, seeing as it was stupid WOA. Sheeeeesh. And then there's me. Elsbernd's been telling me all year he loves my acting blahblah he wants to see me in a big part blahblah, and then I get shafted for WOA because of "seniority," so he apologizes. "I could've handled that better blahblahblah" and I figured at least I could be in the spring show. Well look.. that's not happening.

I just feel like anything I'm interested in at this school gets screwed. The art department? I signed up for two different classes for next year that both got dropped because there weren't enough people.

Oh well oh well oh well.

On, well, a better note. I worked on my sculpture project for a while after school today and am pretty ecstatic that I'm done with the face.

And I laid down this phat track in mass media today. So that's exciting.

I'd really like to know what normal people do for fun...?





Happy Birthday to Quinn. Even though she insisted on chocolate-chocolate cake which is the worst kind. I'll deal. Or try.

why not just tell me "forever and a half"

So the people at Exclusive Company are straight-up punks and lame-o s. I figure, if they tell me a disc will be in in two weeks time, that it should most certainly be there a month later. But now they say it might be a whole month more. So like.. four times the amount of time they originally told me? Super, super, super weak. I'd stop going there, but where else would I play the metal game? So I think I'll just plant an ant farm in the used CD bin. Take that, suckas.

there's a jillion of me

Or.. three. But anyway it's sweet, see? I can actually do stuff with PhotoShop now. Even if it doesn't look so great. It's kind of stupid anyway, but cool at the same time.. because I'm just hanging out with myself... in a thirty year old dress. You know, what else is new, right?