quick correction

follies was real real fun. i only tried to quit to see if kate would freak out, and she did. she yelled at me in the makeup room, but i think she knew i was kidding, in which case, she was kidding too.

i went from wearing bright red lipstick and a short dress to gay clothes and facial hair.

the seniors did their shpiels. some of 'em cried... of course. betsy: "next year, you'll be a senior, and we'll have to cry about it." me: "yeah. let's not think about that."

kyra and i made our showly cake. this one just said "nipple." we're getting less and less creative. i dropped the fork i was using to feed everyone, so they had no choice but to dig in with their faces. and i had no choice but to cake many, if not all, of those faces.

then i showered in the sink with baby shampoo.

amblah and i ran to the lighthouse again.

at perkins, i started crying without even knowing it because someone brought up my brother moving out. i was full of energy and eating friendship pie and i really didn't mean to.
i-forgot-who: "carly, are you crying?"
me: "i don't knoooow!" but i was. my right eye, at least. and i hid my face under the table until i could sit back up again.

then k-bot, f-dog, and i roamed around town til 1 and called it a night.

i am a lampshade..

and I drove to a different town just to let Kyra drive my car tonight.

and tried to quit follies about five times.

ooooooooooooo

i think the minute school ends next week, i'm gonna write a song about summer. or a rap, at least. and then i'm gonna find a pool so i can swiiiiim.

hooray for air!!!!

i need to:
1. learn my lines (not that i have a ton) by thursday, or friday, or saturday for sure
2. finish my sculpture by the end of exams
3. finish the two videos i'm making by the end of the week
4. sleep for more than two hours tonight
5. be super awesome errday

"i'll be there and you'll be knee-er"

So it's 4:30 AM and I am up because..? Well, because my house is still without air con so I stayed up until 1 just because I didn't want to try and sleep in the heat. Then at about three I woke up, boiling hot, to read a text about how sweet swimming was and I was pretty green (envy, not sickness). And I realized my dad stole my fan for his own use, and that I was pretty much dying, so I came down here. And you know what? It's nice and cool, plus it smells like fizzy pop incense. I'm just mad at myself for not sleeping on the couch. Idiot!

But now I'm wide awake.

So this weekend was pretty sweet. I found a bunch of my old CDs on Friday and I couldn't even begin to approximate how many times I've listened to "Whenever Wherever." I ripped with Zach like every day, and waded at Palm Park twice. And found out how absolutely delish Take 5 McFlurries are. And other things, probably. But basically it was a pretty alright weekend, and summer is real close. And I'm pumped. But I'll be gone for half of it.

Well I'm going back to bed.


OH, ps- there's like a bat outside my window squeaking and stuff.

he tells me i'm just hiding in circles

peacock feathers are bad luck, people, take them out of your ears.


I'm kind of bitter lately and I don't mean to be. But man, I don't know, I see through some people I guess. And I can't handle all the acts put on all around. I really want to meet someone who tries to be nothing more than who they are, even if it's bad. And I'm just so tired of wondering what someone is "really" thinking when they could just as easily say it. But hey, what can you do?

School's kind of killing me.

summer = simplicity and I want it bad.

I wish "gargle" was an interjection. Gargle! Gargamel?

Things: I finished my stained glass thing this afternoon, I got my drama letter yesterday, and Thursday should be swee-heet. Sweet heat.

seafoam green

It's a nice feeling to be able to stand in one spot as it starts to rain and be able to watch it and feel it getting harder without having to worry about getting anywhere or keeping your clothes dry or your shoes clean. It's nice not to worry.



Prom = four days
Days of school left = something like 14


I'm already getting kinda sad about my brother going off to college in the fall, but it's months away.

mystery girl

i think i'll live a secret life

umm... okay?

Eye pictures are way too cliche.

"Hips Don't Lie" is way too good. Especially the part that goes "She makes a man wanna speak Spanish. Como se llama? Bonita. Mi casa. Su casa." Literally, all he's saying is "What's your name? Beautiful. My house. Your house." How deep.

It's way too cold for a hundred degrees.

And 8:30 is way to freakin' early to work. Gah!

Huuuuuh.

something

So "blogging" once a week is not really writing. I've kind of lost my thing for writing, at least for now. It's taking less and less time for my words to get so scribbly they turn into bumpy lines, and I don't really mind.

I wonder what a handwriting analysis would be like for me.

School already seems over, even though we have a few weeks left. I took my AP Psych exam and final, now all that's left is a project. I finished.. who am I kidding? Cori finished our Environmental Science website, which is basically all we're doing all semester. Anyway, what I'm getting at is that there's not much left to do in any class. I'm still working on my clay eskimo though. After two months of just sitting through sculpture, it's crazy that I'll still be able to finish it before the end of the year. That and a stained glass thing, which means art scars all over.

It seems like tons of stuff is coming up soon. Talent show, Prom, Follies, my bro's graduation. Then when summer comes: camp, birthday, MIAD.. all in the first month.


...and stuff.

cupcake

Since I was a tiny little girl I've always wanted a poofy dress. I used to call 'em cupcake dresses, because I figured if you spun around in one it would poof out and you'd look like a cupcake.. or something. But I also thought everyone else in the world was a robot back then, so maybe I was weird. Anywaaaaaay. I got my prom dress, and it's cupcakey enough to fulfill my dreams.

And for prom din-din we're gonna grillllll.

And then

WAIT

this is crazy...

make cupcakes the next morning.

Yessssssssssssss.




Well, that's all.
Badonkadonk.

the atlantic was born today...

It rained inside tonight- Flash flood in aisle 10.

Once again, there's not a lot to say.

So maybe this is stupid, or funny. Take it as both. I took the SAT about a month ago, and no one ever told me, or perhaps I just forgot, but I didn't know that you get more points deducted for wrong answers than for blank spaces, meaning guessing's not the way to go. My scores came back today, and this is when my mom decided to inform me that that's how the SAT rolls. A little late I'd say. Whatever, my scores aren't horrible, but they could've been better had I known not to guess.


The point of "tarot, a rare carrot" was to mention getting a tarot reading that day, but I didn't ever get around to talking about it. Basically, it was pretty dead-on. I chose for it to be about Love rather than Life and thought of whoever as I cut the deck in three. And it was pretty accurate. It might've been general, but not enough for Beck to relate, meaning it's not.. right?



Something.

not a lot to say...

I have a prom date

AND

I'm already starting to think about summer
(the to-do list slowly growing)

tarot, a rare carrot

Stick It is a sweet movie, I don't care what you say. And kiddie combos are delish.

So today in advisory, Kevin and I ended up full-on wrestling in the hall. I skinned my knee and got pinned. But he had an advantage. I just haven't figured out what it was yet.

There was this girl in English pronouncing "cacophany" with hard K's. I told her she made it sound gross, which, I think, caused her to get nervous while saying it when she was giving the quiz. She messed up, said "cock-oh-phoney," and I giggled.

Seriously, Stick It is really good.

Apparently I have all my thespian points. And today the cast list for Follies went up. I am Carly also known as Gangsta also known as Hot Guy also known as Columbia and then some fillers. It'll be fun, I hope.

And I almost fell on a hot stove thanks to a killer hug.

what's backwards for "hello"

I'm kind of thinking about burning everything I've written in the past few years. Or shredding it, at least. I never would've dreamed of such a thing before, but lately.. I don't really care. The things that made me feel like crap, I'll always remember, as well as the times I felt fantastic. So why keep around some books filled with the semi-embarassing details that happened in between?

the road don't like me

You're life's a broken record and

I'm picking up the needle so

I won't be involved any

more.

beautiful things that spring from these rows.

I walked home from school today and saw these flowers on my way in. They're pretty pretty. Well done, spring. You sure know how to grow stuff.

/////////////////

Amanda makes the best Birthday Cake Remix this side of.. the world. It's a fact.

That said, let's talk about stuff. Other stuff... like...

Spring? It's pretty great.

April? It's halfway over.

Shoes? I wish they weren't neccessary.

Beds? Definitely nicer when they're your own.

Prom? Would be cool if I had a date lined up. And a dress.

Pepto Bismol? Doesn't taste too horrible.

Newspaper? I'm quitting.

Art classes? I'll have four next year.

My clay eskimo? Still hood-less.

My stained glass? Will be sweet.

Coldstone? Heavenly.

Follies? Not the same.

Thank You For Smoking? Good flick.

Staplers? Loud.

Roadkill? Sad.

Most people? Pretty alright.

Cargo pants with the butt pockets undone? Looks so stupid.

Things.. in general? Could always be worse.

/////////////////

s-b in b-c

SUNDAY 4/9-
It's like, say, the second day of Spring Break. I'm watching Spider-Man in Canada. I didn't really do anything today. Just went out to eat a few times and went grocery shopping. My mom told me to get whatever I thought we needed, so we ended up with lots of candy, some maple leaf shaped syrup flavored cookies (which are ridiculously good, by the way), and Dr Pepper. There's a remote controlled fireplace in our room, and really uncomfortable matresses. Aw, look, Peter and MJ are kissing... how cuuute. Anyway, we're in Blackcomb. It's the same place we were two years ago, and I still remember where things are. It's kinda crazy. Oh yeah, so I forgot my camera, yet I remembered to pack its charger. How much does that suck? Sucks tons. That's how much.

MONDAY 4/10-
Today was my first day on the mountain. After I got back in my groove it was pretty great. I mean, I came back feeling positively thrashed, but that's what I get for being anti-physical acitivity. My calves and quads are now twice their normal size, I swear. And I bailed pretty hard this one time, somehow I landed in like a mid-somersault postition. It was extreme. Then tonight we went to the Mongolie Grill to eat. You go through this buffet-type thing, but it's all meat and noodles and other stir-fry things, and then they grill it up for you and it's delish. My brother and I each had two pounds of food..each (hello redundancy). And he ate every last bite of his. Friggin sick. While we were waiting for a table I went into this place called the Hat Gallery and I found a Lincolnesque tophat. You can bet I tried it on. And as we were walking home, I passed this guy playing his guitar on a bench. I threw all the money I had in my pock into his case, and right as I did so I heard him sing "Come on baby lemme show ya my warhead." I don't know about that really. Don't know about that at all.

TUESDAY 4/11-
I FEEL SO OLD! "What do you suggest for the worst possible pain ever?" It hurts to do pretty much anything, but I say it's worth it 'cause I ripped so haaaard today. I rode with a group of eight I believe. Most were from England. And so, all day, we would switch in and out of accents to the point where I can't remember who was even English and who was Canadian/American. There was this girl named Mairead (one of the world's top names I think) who I talked to about music a lot. I guess she really likes Death Cab which is sweet, because I'm going to see them on the 21st. And, on the subject of music, I have heard so much Cure since I've been in Canada. And I'm not complaining. But I am complaining about the number of times I've heard Maroon 5's "She Will Be Loved" in the past few days. I don't know what Canada's deal is.

WEDNESDAY 4/12-
Last night I slept on the couch because I couldn't take my rock-hard mattress anymore. And I woke up, I don't know what time, because of a horrible dream I had. It kept popping back into my head today too, and the thing is, it's not a scary dream by any means but it was still one of the worst dreams I've ever had. Sad, mostly. But oooh well.. Today- I'd be lying if I told you I did anything less than my best shred. I went with the same group again, and we spent a lot of the day either cruising through trees (fresh powder city/ "sideslipping through fresh powder is like killing kittens. You just killed THREE KITTENS!!!") or messing around in the terrain park. I mastered the box, not that I can do anything that sweet aside from fitties and ollies. I also hit quit a few jumps. It was supasweet I'd say and I'm not feeling so sore any more. The weather was so crazy today though. First it was cold, then snowing so hard it hurt, then sunny and slushy, then rainy, and back to snowy. But it was oh so rippable. Which reminds me, one of the absolute best things about boarding is that everyone says rip/bail/grind/shred all the time.

THURSDAY 4/13-
I woke up today, the last possible day to shred, and I felt terrible. And I stayed here. All I did all day was move back and forth from my bed to the couch, and try to sleep. It didn't work really. So basically I missed out on a day of ripping with my brother just to sit and do nothing, and almost puke a hundred times. Laaame. But then at dinner the waiter walked up to the table right after I put asparagus up my nose, so it was a glorious end to the day.

FRIDAY 4/14-
It snowed all day for the first time all week. It's so pretty outside, but it's funny to think that it's the middle of April and back home people are probably having picnics in shorts, or something. Listen, I even wore snowboots today. In April! How crazy! Speaking of boots, we're leaving tomorrow morning, driving two hours, flying for four hours, driving for a hour or two, and then I'll be home. And I'm not so sad about it, because I miss my bed, my friends, and my lazy, lazy life.

canada vs america

i hate planes, and i'm leaving for canada in the morning... to shreeeeeed. i mean, really. hook up some board. and i guess i'll see you when i get back next saturday?


solid.

i was, waiting for you, i was, standing around

It's 2 in the morning.

In sixth hour yesterday, we all started playing this game called Kitten Cannon where basically you see how far you can shoot a kitty out of a cannon. It looks like no one will be getting work done for a while. Seriously. Nick and I were this close (close) to skipping seventh hour to try and beat Burkart's record. Productive, eh?

I realize a lot of my, and everyone's, life is spent wasting time. And in no way is that sad or something that should be changed. It's just something I know.

And who really ever lives each day as if it were their last, anyway? No one. I mean, really, no one. I have yet to meet them or even hear of them. And, again, it's not something that should be changed.. it's just something.

Wait. Wait, I take that back. Everyone lives each day as if it were their last. Because a majority of us? Well, our last days, we'll have no idea that they'll be our last. And we'll take them for granted and do something stupid like watch the whole season in re-runs of America's Next Top Model on Vh1 when we should be out appreciating everything. Or something.




I wish everyone (myself included) would just say what they mean, but I guess that's not "in" or something.

do tell

Is it really so horrible to swim in the things you love and stay away from those you can't stand?

I kind of thought that was the norm.

pants- stay out of 'em

Hate to say it but it's time to retire my favorite jeans. I just realized a few of the holes are kinda skankatron. So, bye-bye pants. Bye-bye spot of purple paint from my art project in 9th grade. What a sad day...

I'm over it.

One summer Deanna and I tried to turn "Pants" into a substitute word for Shit/Damn.
Ex: "Holy Pants, what is that?!?" / "Paaaaaants, that's a lot of cake."
Needless to say it didn't really catch on.


PSPSPS: It was storming a year ago today. That's crazi-MAZING!

no, i'm not a skeptic.. anymore

There's not much that beats rain. Not much that I know, at least.

After I got home from work I took a walk, singing along to the songs that remind me of so much, and I was happy. But for some reason I don't know I purposely took the same path that I walked with someone that well I don't exactly enjoy thinking about. So the whole time I was thinking about that walk and that night it was raining too. And I could even remember what piece of pavement we were standing on when he put his arm around me and just everything. And I know it wasn't even half a year ago but still. Why is everything such a vivid memory even when I don't want it to be? Even then my mind was always on someone else yet I can't forget any of it. And it's not that I regret it. I like to think everything means something. And there was purpose in that.

I just wish that he would've been someone else instead.


Anyway, on a completely different note maybe, everything's pretty great lately. There's not really a thing to complain about. Okay, I take that back. My neck friggin' kills! I can only guess it has something to do with ice skating Saturday but I can't be sure.

And I guess I can have one more complaint but that's really all I have. My dear great friend is heartbroken, and I wish I could've been there more for her today than a hug and a minute of talking in the hallway. I hardly see her, and I miss her.



But really, the point of this whole thing, was to say that everything's top-notch. Pretty much.

comparative strangers behind half-closed doors

how about some meaning instead?

case o the ha ha ha-ha's

I care more about hot chocolate than clay eskimoes.
More about movie quotes than pollution.
More about my interpretation of RENT than sexual motivation.
More about walking funny than making a real movie.
More about controlling my breathing than the Old Man and the Sea.
More about cell phones than newspaper stories.
And more about drawing flowers than Venezualan culture.

(Why I don't get good grades)

But I'm 1/5 of the way through writing a book review.. for a book I've read 1/5 of.

whoever invented headeaches?

suuuuuucks

..you've said it all

Right now I'm watching "Trick My Truck" on CMT. It's right where it belongs, because it's the most country thing I've seen in a while. They put hydraulics on a semi. Who does that?

But I'm just waiting until Miami Ink comes on. And for my brother to come home, so I can congratulate him. because... he... got ... in.... to..... Madison (slow motion used for effect). His number one, where's he's been on the waiting list.

And I didn't know this until tonight, because no one tells me anything :(
(You'd think someone would've bothered to mention it)

But it makes me so so so happy because
-he's happy
-my family (my parents and my dad's whole side) will be happy that he's following tradition
-he'll be with his girrrlfriend
-it's close. close enough for me to get to on a whim if i just need to be around the only part of my family that doesn't drive me crazy 100% of the time. you know, if he lets me.

But the fact that my Jack knows what he's doing next year really makes me realize that he won't live here anymore, and I'm already not looking forward to it.


And, as for me? I have no idea what I'm doing after high school. Maybe I'll travel the world, walk the streets of Paris with a trenchcoat carrying a loaf of French bread under my arm, or go to Iceland and eat a ham sandwich. You in?

the world is ending, don't you even know?

"Missouri authorities reported nine people killed [by tornado], including four whose bodies were found in the rubble of homes near the town of Renick."

Want to know something? My grandpa lives there. And not just that, but this happened next door. What kind of luck is that? To be so close to danger but to come out safe. He's safe. Our family's fine. And I'm lucky, I realize that.

I need to be more thankful. For everything. Man, don't we all...

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

And this is/was my aunt's house:

Luckily, no one was in it at the time.

memory ln pt 2

I felt better when I realized.. I'm always missing stuff. During "the days" of which I typed, I missed Ryan and Adam and everyone and hanging out at Peace Park and going to 'Chotchky's.' So someday everything's gonna change all over again and I'll miss these days that are happening right now. Does what I'm saying make sense at all?

I question that a lot. Whether or not I make sense.

Anyway. Know who I miss? Who really is worth missing? My Roman. It's crazy how rarely I see her. And the only times lately we've actually had full conversations (besides just heys in the halls) in the past month or so is on the phone. I even called last week to talk to her mom, haha. But baaaah, I miss Roman and I miss TMG.

Miss miss miss Mississippi.

I had this dream Thursday (if you've seen me since then there's a chance that I've told you about it) that it rained so much that basically the whole world was flooded. Except for, well, a lot of the world. My neighborhood was fine. And since they had no place else to go, my family took in a family of soccer-playing talking horses.

I had about a million dreams Thursday since I didn't go to school just to sleep. All of them: pretty pointless. And I think I'll go have some more, if I can sleep.

memory lane isn't so far way

Clara and I sit in first hour, and we make things out of clay, and we drink spiced apple cider, but mostly we get all nostalgic and like reminiscent of "the days." The thing is it wasn't even a full year ago. And there were no fights or anything which ended "the days," it was just.. summer started, people got jobs, boyfriends, girlfriends, lives outside of our crew. But it sucks. And, I know, I've said this in here and out loud many times but it doesn't change the fact that it sucks.

But then we get to thinking that mid-March was the beginning of everything. March 11 to be exactly exact. And perhaps the good times are coming around again. It's the spring season we're looking for.

i've never heard of them, so they must be cool (too cool for me)

Oh my goooodness! I hate when people try to reference the most obscure movies/music simply for the sake of seeming original or nonconformist. I mean, really, it's not so horrible if you enjoy something that is enjoyed by others, or even something that's.. you know.. popular (God forbid!). Seriously, you're knowledge of things "below the radar" is really not impressive at all.

can't escape this line of best fit

I just won a free* laptop!

*details apply


I took this personality assessment type thing last night. Apparently I'm a freewheeling creator. So.. that's neat. But I also have really low trust in others, well, according to that. But really I think it's only because it asked things like "Do people usually have good intentions?" and, honestly, a lot of them don't.. so what do you want me to do?

My jeans are wet from walking through the park. In the snow. It was like mashed potatoes.

So... we're not having a spring show at Craig. That's not cool no matter how you look at it. We were going to do Clue, everyone was pumped, but that didn't work out. We still could've done something but we're not. We're focusing more attention on Follies instead. This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Seniors don't even get they're senior show, we didn't even have a decent winter play, seeing as it was stupid WOA. Sheeeeesh. And then there's me. Elsbernd's been telling me all year he loves my acting blahblah he wants to see me in a big part blahblah, and then I get shafted for WOA because of "seniority," so he apologizes. "I could've handled that better blahblahblah" and I figured at least I could be in the spring show. Well look.. that's not happening.

I just feel like anything I'm interested in at this school gets screwed. The art department? I signed up for two different classes for next year that both got dropped because there weren't enough people.

Oh well oh well oh well.

On, well, a better note. I worked on my sculpture project for a while after school today and am pretty ecstatic that I'm done with the face.

And I laid down this phat track in mass media today. So that's exciting.

I'd really like to know what normal people do for fun...?





Happy Birthday to Quinn. Even though she insisted on chocolate-chocolate cake which is the worst kind. I'll deal. Or try.

why not just tell me "forever and a half"

So the people at Exclusive Company are straight-up punks and lame-o s. I figure, if they tell me a disc will be in in two weeks time, that it should most certainly be there a month later. But now they say it might be a whole month more. So like.. four times the amount of time they originally told me? Super, super, super weak. I'd stop going there, but where else would I play the metal game? So I think I'll just plant an ant farm in the used CD bin. Take that, suckas.

there's a jillion of me

Or.. three. But anyway it's sweet, see? I can actually do stuff with PhotoShop now. Even if it doesn't look so great. It's kind of stupid anyway, but cool at the same time.. because I'm just hanging out with myself... in a thirty year old dress. You know, what else is new, right?

time froze, like an ocean

Sometimes I just want to look into a crystal ball and know how things will turn out, so I can stop worrying about how they're happening. You know, I have it in me. One of my ancestors was a gypsy. True story.

Right now, I guess, everything is kind of in transit. I mean with friends. It seems that things could be getting better, things could be getting worse, and it's like right exactly now is the in-between.

And it also seems like things are falling back into place. People are falling back to.. the people they should fall back to. I hope.



I think my favorite band for the past three years will hold its spot for the rest of time.




P.S. carly P.S.









R.I.P. M. Petunia G.

everything was beautiful and neapolitan swirl

I just really get so upset about it when I think too much. We used to have fun. And we didn't have to snort Xanax to do it.



What the crap are you thinking?




[I deleted a lot of this]

nothing runs like a deere

Oh yeah so that picture to your right is my brother and I circa 1991. See? We've always been disgustingly adorable. It's not like that's a new development.

1, 2, skip a few, 99, canada!

I just stepped out on some snow barefoot to see if I could ever be an eskimo. And yeah, they probably wear shoes or boots but you can't tell me they don't take them off from time to time. Everyone's gotta. Or else you get trenchfoot or something.

So, let's see. What's new? Oh yeah... Going to Whistler. I'm not going for a while though, like near spring break whenever that is. But listen it's gonna be spectacular. Um, snowboarding? Pancakes? Doing that thing where you roll in the snow then run to the hot tub? Sweet.

I've gotta remember to fill out some applications soon. Like even though it's way early. I'm basically signing away a good part of my summer, but the way people here have been sucking lately, it doesn't seem like a huge deal.

Oh. Well. I'm out.



PS

melodrama kings and queens

So I'm a pretty calm person. I mean maybe that's even an understatement. I don't get mad, and don't yell (pretty much can't). But today? Well I yelled and I got straight up pissed. I dropped the F-Bomb too many times to count. All in one flat out brawl with the same person. And, man, let me tell you.. it was beautiful. The birds sang and the sun shone and.. and an orchestra played.

Sorry man.. but you're more than deserving of a couple fuck yous.

car it suck

The whole world is upside down. Or just... really freakin' weird.

"Change sucks" - coming from the mouth of someone who does everything now they claimed they never would, who is almost the opposite of what they were a year ago, who traded their real friends for new friends who they're now also betraying. I don't know, I hate it.

So my good friend and her boyfriend talked last night, about how they're both afraid to fall in love. And afraid to get hurt. And they said "Let's fall together." Which.. well, on one hand it could be from a movie, so full of cheese. But then I almost want to tell her not to, because I've seen four (I believe that's where the count is now) relationships in the last month turn to so much crap. These were first loves. These were so much trust, and now my friends are so sad and there's nothing I can do because it's heartbreak. So, stay away from that. Until, you know, you're old and stuff.

For now, good friends is where it's at. And dancing on toes in kitchens.

***

I'm gonna make a snow angel tomorrow if it's the last thing I do... tomorrow.



P.S. I'm proud to announce that I made it through Valentine's Day without eating a single conversation heart ("more like... gross.. hearts")

middle = lunchmeat

I am so mediocre. I mean really. With friends, with school, with just everything in my life. I don't know where I'm ever above average. I'm cool with it though. But it's something I think about whenever I see my grades, or get artwork entered in a contest and sent right back, or audition and don't get even the tiniest part. I'm just good enough to be considered, but not to be chosen. Or something.

Plus I can't even make a decent coil pot. Sheeesh.

those drugs you got won't make you feel better

I don't mean to sound like a public service announcement, but, you know, I never really believed what health teachers and "truth" commercials said about pot, and how it changes people. I thought it was all just to make us say no. But it's true, idiots really will ditch their friends for it. I really hate sitting across from her in class and knowing that she's high right then. And that's all she ever is. Either high or talking about it. So most of the time I don't pay attention, but I'd really like to just tell her how stupid I think she is. But she'd rather associate with uninteresting people because they have interesting substances. So I say eff ittttt.

So I'm sick. I haven't been able to eat too much lately and that's no good. All day today I was losing my voice but it was mostly just entertaining. I don't think I've lost my voice completely for like 10 years maybe. It's been forever, I wouldn't hate it, I wouldn't have to talk.

Despite the whole spontaneously cracking voice thing, I tried out for some Shakespeare mumbo jumbo kind of just for fun. I did the part of a dude. What's with that? No one else had to be all transsexual-like. Oh well, I think I did alright. Well, I always say that but this time I think it's true. I guess I will find out and, hey, if I don't get a part... guess what... I don't really care.

$$$

More than a few times lately, I've looked around and just thought, everything I see costed money, money that could've been spent on other things.. that could've been put to better use. But does it make me waste it any less? Not a whole lot.




And the past tense of "cost" is "costed," according to my dictionary. I for one think it sounds ridiculous.



P.S. How sweet is it that I misspelled "dictionary" the first time around?

it's ok to think electricity

Spiced Apple Cider is deeelish. I mean in terms of hot drinks you make from powder, it's pretty top notch. Except I spilled it all over the teacher's desk in first hour. Ooooh well.

So school is pretty easy. I fall asleep a lot. I thought I had narcolepsy (this was when we talked about it in AP Psych) but then I realized I'm only tired all the time because I stay up til 3 in the morning every night. That might be the reason behind it all. But, yeah, school. So I drink hot chocolate and eat pop tarts while making a hideous coil pot, then I take notes about things like "Spaceship Earth," then spend a class talking to Amber about the profundity of the lyrics "mix yo' milk wif mah cocoa puffs," then watch film festival movies or british how-to-make-movies movies, go to lunch, listen to some tunes in advisory, sleep through english, b.s. articles in newspaper, then spend spanish class talking to Chrisser about foot-tall people. It's really not too bad at all. I just wish there were sweeter people in my second hour. On the first day I was disappointed about that, but then I remembered.. there's only a modicum* of sweet people at this place anyway.

La di daaaaaaa

I'm feeling pretty in between things lately. Happy, yeah. I'd even say content. But then there's some things I don't know about. But I'm fine just being for now. Or "just chillin'" as Roman would've said last year.

And, like, I wouldn't say I have regrets. But I do feel like I handled things like a real Sweeney when it came to a few fellas not too long ago.





*vocab word.. couldn't resist using it
















OH yeah.. Happy February.

mountaineers

So this girl in one of my classes today was talking about gay marriage, and how she couldn't be more against it. When I asked her why, she said something like "if they allow gay marriage, the next thing we know people will be marrying their dogs and giving it to them up the [butt], and people will say oh let them be happy." Dear miss, you are ridiculous. That's like saying back in the day "slavery should stay. if we let the slaves go free, next thing you know, people won't wear pants." You're thinking Pants? Slaves? Those aren't at all related. Well, precisely. Homosexuality and bestiality aren't all too related either. I don't see how people can be so ignorant. I mean, sure, there are some that say they're "preserving the sanctity" of marriage (that doesn't make much sense to me either) but why not just accept that homosexuality exists? And that love between two men or two women could possibly be just as real as love between a man and a woman? And.. what's wrong with happiness anyway?

Whatever. Argue with me. I won't argue back though. Gay marriage is fine with me. I'm not going to go marry a girl but it's fine with me if you do. And I suppose it's okay with me if you're against it, I won't try to change your mind. But at least be respectful, and.. you know... reasonable. Sheesh.

And on another note that's not really too much of an other note, I'm probably going to see Brokeback Mountain soon and am amply pumped about it.

i'm nobody's little weasel

Looking at the majority of people I know with boy/girlfriends, I think, why would I ever want that? I wouldn't.

But then I realize that my thoughts were just the same about a year ago, until some kisses changed them. And what came of that? Well, nothing. Nothing but a friend that I talk to very very occasionally, and see much less than I say I will.

And some boys that I don't know what to call. Friends? Acquaintances? Exes?

My feelings are always changing.

I have a new favorite song.

The play is over, and I'm glad. Please come and see the next one when I'll have a real part.

I had my first cry of 2006, thanks to The Salad Dressing Debacle.

I had a beautifully metaphorical moment last night, running to a lighthouse.



2348aiodjflk23908


me: "i'm not emo."
a boy: "i know. you're just different."

cyclical

I've been getting so little sleep lately. Actually, I just sleep at all the wrong times. Not at night.
I think it's making me lose my memory.

I wrote "Adieu, adieu, adieu. I will be someone new" in my notebook today and I can't remember why. At all. I like the sound of it but what was I thinking about?

I also circled this thing on a worksheet in AP Psych. About classical conditioning. We had to write what the respones and stimuli and I don't know what were in different situations. So anyway the thing I circled was something about a guy and his ex-girlfriend and they had this cd they listened to together, so now whenever he hears a song from it he feels 'bitter sadness.' I know that the unconditioned stimulus is the breakup and the conditioned stimulus is the song (at least I think that's right) but I don't know why I circled it, like I had to think about it later.

Absent-minded writing. I don't know what to tell you.

textual healin'

So it has come to my attention, well, a few weeks ago, that I rarely ever have girls in my dreams. At all. Well ok maybe they'll be in the background or something but they won't really have faces. Or once or twice there's someone who when I wake up I'm like "What? I've never even TALKED to her." The main people in the dreams that I remember are always guys, and myself. I think it's weird. And it's weird that in two of my dreams, months apart from each other, I've had a beard. Had a beard like it was no big deal, but then I wake up and realize girls don't have beards.

I don't know. Dreams are crazy.

I do know, though, that I remember them because I wake up while having them. Thanks, AP Psych.

Man I'm excited for new classes. F'real. Sculpture, Enviro Sci and Mass Media instead of Stats, Gym and Adv Photo.

Oh yeah. I'm so so so glad Adv Photo is over. That class made me so angry most of the time. And, my final project? I got mega marked down on it.. "The difference between a good project and a great project is attention to details." I'll show you attention to details (I don't know what that means).

And it's snowy. How sweet is that?

And I cannot wait for spring break.



P.S. It's a little pathetic how much I play Guitar Hero. But can you blame me?

all these people drinking lover's spit

I don't know exactly what I'm thinking. A lot about love, I know that. Everyone's got rings on their fingers and everyone is in love. And I wonder if they really are, or what does that even mean? Because it's just a word you know. And ____ told me this morning that he's in love with me (wasn't the first time).. and maybe he really thinks he is.. but can he be when I don't feel the same at all? I wouldn't think so..

It's just a word.

wawawa

Maybe half an hour ago, I was attempting to study, and I fell asleep on my notebook. Forehead right on the spiral so I had some nice lines going on when I woke up. How does that even happen?

word

After school today I was feelin' the darkroom vibe. So I dug up some old negatives.. well my self portrait stuff from last year. And I printed this picture of me hula-hooping. It's so fantastic words can't describe (I'd never seen it in picture form before because I never took the time to print it). But my face is class sick.

enough to break the ice

After taking Roman home tonight I had fifteen minutes before I needed to pick my sister up from practice. So you know what I did? I parked my car at Traxler, got out and skated. With no skates.. and hardly any ice. I mostly just used up time sliding and spinning around and just jumping on the ice until it cracked (if I was on the river that would've been a bad move).

But, my point is, I'm happy enough to dance. I've been happy enough to dance all year. And maybe it's only been a week, but it's something.



dskljea

sdklfjl;kjgakl

aslkdfjskl







"We're performing a covert operation. Sorry if you've got places to be."

dig if you will the picture

Lately I've been thinking about the future, a little more than usual. Not planning or anything.. no, that's ridiculous. But I'm just thinking what classes to take next year, where I'll go to school after that, what I'll do. And I'm STILL (yes, still, after over a year. if it was meant to, my mind would've changed six times by now) thinking/knowing that photography has to be involved somehow. And maybe not even the center of my attention. But it just has to be in there somewhere. I mean, maybe I'll become a heart surgeon.. but on the side, I'll take some breathtaking pictures.

I'm already excited for the classes I'll be taking next year. This always happens. I'm a nerd.

I really don't like seeing people buy Christmas things a whole year early. It makes me feel really weird. Like how do they know what they'll be doing a year from now?

Guess who's sticking to their resolutions? Not me. Because I don't have any. Only things that are resolutions but are not at the same time and are just things I shouldn't do and shouldn't think and should say and should feel. And I am not. And am. Respectively.

Thanks to being easily amused, I now know my top ten favorite carbonated beverages. I made a list first hour, but I lost it. So I made a list in my head, and it goes..
1. Cherry Coke
2. Dr Pepper
3. Mountain Dew
4. Santa Coke
5. Kiddie Cocktail
6. A 'n' Dub (RB)
7. Any and all orange sodas
8. A 'n' Dub (Cream Soda)
9. Ginger Ale
10. Punch

And number 10 makes me wonder (again).. well, first of all, do people just mix up a bowl of punch for their house? And, if not, here's my question... why not? Punch is always good. Always.





P.S. My title's totally Prince lyrics.

i

don't.

listen up

Everyone makes those entries about "in 2005, I...." Well, you know what? Eff that. Here are some things people (friends, me, crazy people I don't even know.. odds are if it makes no sense.. it's the third) said that I'll probably remember for a lifetime, whether I like it or not.



1- "Oh yeah? Well cry me a river and I'll piss on your face!"



2- "It's that moment in life when you actually feel alieeeeeeeve."



3- "My eggs!"



4- "Hey, man, listen... the thing about that is..... you don't even KNOW! The thing about that is.... it's haggard, man. Haaaagggaaaard."



5- "Think how long customer appreciation week would last then!"



6- "Git 'R' Dun? Get.... Her... Done...?"



7- "I hate everything!"



8- "I put a knife in my grandma's goldfish because it called me stupid."



9- "Celery? I don't eat that naaasty shit!"



10- "What do YOU want? A jackal? Light-up shoes?"



11- "Eff coleslaw."



12- "You wanna be on TV?"




Happy 2006.

in complete other news (yeah, another post)

My ears are MELTING from so much good music. If I told you I now own three EITS discs (I don't have the Friday Night Lights soundtrack).. how pumped would you be? Because if you'd like, I'd let you listen. They're really good. I could burn them for you.

So so pretty. Like yo' face.

tired of being down, i got no fight

I had this dream last night- the weirdest thing. The realest dream I've ever had. Part of the reality of it was that it took place in Roman's house, and every now and then dream-me would think "Why isn't Roman at her own house?" and then real-me would open my eyes (in my sleep) and see her sleeping on the couch, then I'd fall back into the dream, completely believing every bit of it.

In the dream you and I got some things ironed out, I think. I wished it was real.

But at the same time, I was glad that it wasn't.. because it ended with the two of us locked outside of a building in the pouring rain and no shoes.




I'm growing so sick of the people who have what I want and don't seem to appreciate.

the dance that's still going strong one year later

i've got a fever and a childish wish for snow

I've got a lot less money than I had a week ago and a half-cleaned room.

I've got two bruised knees and some holiday cheer.

And I've got a childish wish of my own......

maroon

I'm sixteen and I've still never had anything in my life to perspectify everything. No huge tragedy. I'm not complaining- not at all. Just saying... nothing huge has ever happened to put things in perspective. Maybe I focus on the things that don't really matter in the long run.

i should've left you at the flea market

Things are not going my way lately. And it's not that I'm used to getting whatever I want, it's just that all the tiny things that could go wrong, have. And nothing makes any sense.

Is it so easy to get angry at me? I feel like I keep getting blamed for faults of others. I'm the metaphorical whipping boy for every adult in my life. Honestly.. or so it seems.

Am I just the last straw.. all the time? Am I just that easy to yell at?

I don't know, but it is really bringing me down.

Don't think I'm mega depressed. I mean, this isn't last winter. Or.. the one before that.

I feel selfish for even complaining, but today has been nothing short of horrible.


There were high points.
-the establishment of the LOTHT crew/ SNiCK nostalgia
-getting permission to eff the door project sideways

Aaaand the absolute lowest point, I'd have to say, was when that song came on and I had to just stare out the window.

"Nothing is fair or good alone"

copy + paste = no writing involved

T: .......
C: and everyone already knew
C: and so i'm thinking he could know
C: what the crap i'm so fourth grade
T: IM so fourth grade as well
C: why don't i just send him a freaking "do you like me? check yes or no" note?
T: hahah do it
C: and then he'll be like what the crap? no!
T: HE WILL BE LIKE
T: FINALLY
T: FINALLY I CAN EXPRESS MYSELF
T: and then check the Yes box
C: "I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR AN OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW MY TRUE FEELINGS... AND HERE IT IS!"
C: check
C: (no)
T: OH ZIP DA LIP
T: you are almost too amazing carly

don't be afraid, you have just got your eyes closed

So I'm reading A Farewell to Arms and it's not entirely horrible, though I really don't see Hemingway's appeal. But whatever, it's cool.

My mom forced me to make a christmas list today, but the thing is, there's not that much that I want/need. It's not the whole.. I'm growing up and Christmas is no big deal anymore thing.. for some reason it was just tough to think of anything to ask for. What I want lately has nothing to do with objects.

'Cause.....I want yo' bodddaaay!
(I'm kidding. I couldn't be more kidding.)

Today I went out to finish my roll of film for the doors project. Thirteen pictures ended up taking two hours. Well, okay, I just wandered around downtown making footprints in fresh snow and watching icicles drip. I tried to get lost but it didn't happen. I love winter and the sky was gorgeous.

Anyway.. my point: Tomorrow I'll process that film, maybe print some pictures after school. I have to have twelve. They have to be matted. They have to look sweet. All by the 21st, and I don't know if that's enough time, BECAUSE, I also have to start my journal project, and have it looking alright by the 21st. And I had this sweet plan for the doors which I don't know if I'll be able to put into action seeing as I've hit way too many obstacles and wasted far too much time on this.

Wait. I take that back. It'll be sweet and that's final.

Okay okay, getting to my real point: everything is beautiful and that's all I got.

'I didn't know that the words you said to me meant more to me than they ever could you'

I just don't think I'll ever

Turns out that I can make moves but still can't make decisions.

spider fingers

I was two minutes late to school and ended up in a freshman health class for first hour because "the Lockdown" got called right when I was by my locker. Silly dogs. I sat in the back and learned about love. I didn't hate it.

Photoshop? I don't really know how to use it, but I'm learning. The past few days I've been on a Photoshop spree.

So I don't get this....
The turkey.. turned into a sidedish. Kind of.
Non-food item.. is.. well... food.
Chan-chan-chaaaange.

I am not meant to do the door project for adv photo, I've decided. Last night I had my third attempt at taking pictures for it, and the stupid sun went down before I could finish the roll.

Stupid sun.

Stupid sons.

Stupid boys.



Don't eat anything calling itself a Cake-Pie.




5:50- I don't wanna, like, jinx stuff.. but let me just tell you that you get pretty flustered when you're interrupted in the middle of rapping "Golddigger," and I'm not making excuses.. but, I mean, if there's anything to be excused then this is my explanation. I was flustered.

be my december

It's kind of sad that I don't ever do anything in photography. But it's like.. I have all these ideas and all these plans but never enough time. The darkroom's never open, so I rarely even get in there. Sometimes there'll be extra room but then I'm stuck helping the not-advanced students and never get to do anything for my projects. This sucks, simply put.


Pillow.


It actually makes me pretty sad.


Candlabra.


I think tomorrow after school I'm going to take some door pictures. Should be exciting. But, you know, not really.


Spoonspoonspoon.


And I just saw something that made me smile really big. I guess the glow is back. That's what I hear.




Happy December.

there'd be no distance that could hold us back

It seems like I haven't had the time to be bored in weeks now. It's alright, but I don't know. Boredom is not all that bad sometimes.

Apparently every time I go to the park (a lot) my dad thinks I am (and I quote) "smoking dope."

I really miss "the old days" as we call them. The BP's where you didn't even know half the people but it was always fun. And the Sundays where we'd just go to Clara's or go play hide and seek at some park. And that time Matt spun me and Clara on the merry go round for 45 minutes until I couldn't even walk. We never do stuff like that anymore. I remember the days I was always with "the Crew." I got tired of it then, I went for two weeks without doing anything with them just for a break. But now we never do anything.. ever.

I miss Matt. Freakin' Jellyhead.

So I was talking to my friend, about how she should was going to talk to someone about something. (Pretty vague, I'm aware). And I told her that she had to do it soon otherwise she'd start making excuses, like "this isn't THE perfect time to bring it up" and putting it off forever. And putting it off and putting it off and putting it off. And that's no good.

Ever 'give advice' to someone when really you're the one who should be listening?




I want to be a light bulb.
Speaking of light bulbs, I changed one today.

house of mirrors

Mirrored lives? I don't hate it. We're going to look back on this and say it was crazy, but we know it's crazy now. At least we're never alone in anything. This is insane. We didn't talk about entrees or side-dishes once tonight. For the first time in six months. They protect us. I never thought of that. I told him he's like Patrick from Eternal Sunshine. Falling in love with unconcious girls. "You're not unconcious." Well you're not in love with me, sucka. He is Patrick because he's using lines and ploys to get me to like him. And it's not working. I'll end up meeting Joel at Montauk and I know it. The reason it's taking me days to watch one movie isn't because I keep getting tired.

nothing new

Nothing new, except confusion, and the fact that I really really want to go to MIAD.

so many ships sailing

C: "Remember when you said I was glowing?"
K: "Yeah..."
C: "..I want to glow again."

potato salad?

Enchanted Forest = O-V-E-R. And like.. I realize how much we hated it and asked "why did we do this?" but then I also realize how much we talk about all the sweet stuff that went down during the past few days. And I completely dug being a human blanket for K.Bot and Ski four days straight, and talking/singing with them. Or tickling them.

Speaking of tickling, my whole life I thought I wasn't ticklish anywhere, but Caitlin found a spot. And I would tell you, but holy crap, I wouldn't enjoy it one bit if everyone decided to ambush me and tickle the spot.

But anyway..

I spent two hours at Perkins tonight, no joke. Went with all these people from Enchanted Forest, but basically everyone I have EVER met showed up eventually. Like I think I knew probably 90% of the people in the building, and it was pretty full. I mean even my parents were there for a bit. It was crazy. I ate pumpkin pie (heavenly) and some manly man's pancake platter that I shared with Mike. Oh and chocolate milk. But somehow I only ended up paying $3. I don't get it.

Mr. Chicago = Crazy story.


I think I broke my nose.


And props to.. whoever invented Daylight Savings Time. And Sundays where I don't have to do anything.

brrrrrrr

I went to the beach tonight. Did you? I doubt it. It was nice. There was sand and chairs and kettle corn. I put sunscreen on. I could see my breath and it was the middle of the night, but still sweet.

Actually Kyra and I just decided to hang out at "the beach" after everyone left the park tonight. And the only person, out of all the people we called and texted, who was cool enough to come hang with us was Amanda.

Beach in October = sweeeweeeweeweet.

I spent the whole night cuddling with Ski and K.Bot. Why does it have to be so cold? Or.. why do I have to be oustide all day when it's cold?

I think my joints are frozen solid. I think I'm going to bed.

"You guys are GRR-OSS!"

"that was quick"

Tonight - first night Enchanted of Forest- way too cold. In between groups we'd just lay behind our thing and shiver. I laid on top of Phil and called him a Phillow.. and hey, maybe it was way funnier at the time.. but it still makes me laugh a little.

Freaking every kid wants a million dollars. What's with that? When I was little I wanted candy or a pet zebra or something. But money? Kids don't need money.

Haaaaaaaaa.

I love things lately. Things are going well. And people. I love them too.

I like all the people I just say a few words to every day. And the ones who I'm friends with now but never was before.

But I'm sad that Joey left. We weren't friends like the type that would call each other up to hang, but we'd end up hanging out anyway with everyone else. And I miss him already, as weird as it seems. When I left his Going Away Party on Saturday, I kept coming back for just one more hug. I was really sad.

And I'm even more sad when I think of how Elaina feels. But she seems alright. I mean I know she's upset, but she's doing a very good job of keeping herself together and everything. I'm proud of my little Elaina!

But I'm really tired. And even though I can sleep late tomorrow, I'm going to bed right now I think.

And I just made the best/worst playlist ever.

snap-snap

Has anyone ever noticed that when I try to say "seventy" it sounds more like sev-ah-dee? There's no N. It's kinda weird, I'll admit it.

stars and sons

What's been going on lately?

Well, let me tell you...

I found a paintbrush outside today and I kept it.

One of the coolest stores of all time maybe ever just disappeared. It's just gone, and it makes me sad. Especially since there were a few things I was planning on getting there when I had more money, and now they are gone forever. Where am I going to buy old skeleton keys now? Where can I get ugly wall decorations? Okay, probably many places, but it's still weird how it just vanished.

Tell All Your Friends, I have decided, is my favorite CD to sing. To freakin' belt. I mean, I don't even know if I like it anymore, because I haven't listened to it just to listen to it for a long time. When I listen to it, it's always because I want to sing loud, and that's it.

I got soap in my eye.

I just found out that M'Lyssa is drawing me for Drawing class, which is nothing short of awwwesome.

In fourth hour today, I felt like actually doing something for once, so I'm making this blob thing, out of black and white patterns. It's what the Art One classes did, but I'm just doing it for fun. Seriously, I'm really excited for it.

I love Yoo-hoo.

I love apple pies/cobblers/fritters/sauce/juice.

I love the fact that fall is here.

I do not love, however, the fact that bruises from seven months ago are coming back. That's not normal. I went to a show at the Pipe waaay back, got pushed into a grindrail by some stupid "hardcore" (psh!) dancers and got this intense bruise on the back of my right ankle.. well that's back. And that's not normal. But I had to get bloodwork done, and nothing is wrong there. Soo blaaah. I'll stop complaining now.

Today I got to see Ryan for the first time in a while. And I got to meet his six month old nephew. He's adorable. Honestly, the kid is almost too cute. And he kept looking at me and grabbing my fingers to chew on them. But that was probably the better part of my day, hanging out with Ryan and baby Dillon. I love Ryan and don't see him even close to enough.

Hey so.. completely unrelated, but...

I got a rose yesterday. How 'bout that, eh? Really, I don't deserve it. And I don't deserve being called "amazing" or "perfect". Especially not perfect. It kind of bothers me actually, that's why I argue about it. I mean, I feel like you'll eventually realize that no, I'm not perfect (at all), and I'd rather you realize that now. But, man, I'm not used to this.. And I think you're lying.

I know I'm holding back but I don't exactly know why.

Five months and Roman and I still have mirrored lives.




I hate blogs.

i'm a BRICK WALL!

...(with a door).


Oh, and just to tell you, I'm really confused lately. Wondering where this all came from and what is even happening. But who knows? I'll try to stop questioning it but I have to...

Bleh.

Today was Cake Day. And yes it was happy.

sand = overrated

Me = Speechless.

Which is fine, because it's not like I can say anything right anyway.

But, I don't understand.
Give me one good reason I'm anything close to even near-amazing.

do i have to spell it out for you, or scream it in your face?

My thumb just started twitching like a twitching madman. What's that supposed to mean?

So let's see.. You know I've decided that I'm missing something in my brain or something. Like the flirting cell. Or attraction cell or something. Because like. I have never been one to "flirt" but also, I never can tell if someone is interested in me, even if it's obvious to everyone else. And then, you know, that leads to the person thinking I'm not interested when really I am. But what am I supposed to do? Straight-up say "I want you"? I don't think it works like that.

Adv Photo = nothing to do. Yesterday I glued my shoe back together. And a few days ago I ripped out pictures from magazines, but I don't know what I'm doing with them.

I think someday if I tried I could go undercover as Keira Knightley.



P.S. I think I might punch the next person who buys dollar bling from Osco.

ryan cabrera, you are my sunshine

I spent the night running through a cornfield, looking for the Bray Road Beast. Actually most of the time we were just trying to find our way back to the road (lost). And Ian/ZachJ/Joel would find shoeprints and swear they were beast prints. Kyra got a picture of one so maybe you can see for yourself how shoe-like it is. Ally kept asking where we were. I had a flask full of orange juice and an ear of corn.

And did anyone else notice how sweet the sky looked?

here, have an orange slice

I wouldn't mind being a worm.

my head's a balloon

Four hours of sleep and I'm wide a-freaking-wake. I'll blame that on the NyQuil I took to help me get to sleep. Seriously, I take that stuff and just hibernate. Absolutely do not exist for as long as I sleep.

Oh, hey, I'm sick. Let me sum it up for you: sore throat, runny nose, coughing like I've never coughed before. It's not necessarily a party, but I can deal.

But yesterday at work I was doing truck and putting away cough medicine and all these medicines that just made me think of how sick I felt.

I printed some picures too. I took a roll of film the other day, of nothing in particular. I have to print the pictures at school, but I did some at work last night just to see how they'll turn out. And the answer to that: they'll turn out wonderfully. A few of them at least.

So

So

So

Let's discuss the weather. It's nice, I like it. It was way hot two days ago, now it's ch-ch-chilly. I had the urge to carve a pumpkin yesterday. And I can't wait for the leaves to fall so I can jump in them.

And

And

And

Word on the street is that Jerkins now has pumpkin pie. Well it's about time.

fourth hour and i've got no tunes?

Weak.

I haven't been getting enough sleep lately. I'm talking five hours a night. And that's a big difference from the twelve hours I slept every night during the summer. But I don't miss it. I want fall. And pumpkins and caramel and plums and leaves and scarecrows. Fallapalooza mhmmm.

People keep saying we look cute togeter and I don't know how I feel about that one.

But let's hang out this weekend (I'm talking to everyone now). I have 0 plans.

let's talk about homecoming

(Group = Caitlin and Tyler, Rachel and Andy, Me and Zach Dizzle)

It was good. Not like beyond words or anything, but it was fun. I liked it way better than I Homecoming freshman year. And I'm glad that Zach had more fun than he did at Homecoming last year. I forgot to tell him thanks for everything so I'll have to do that. After the dance we all went back to Caitlin's and ate/read an hour's worth of fortune cookies. And watched Fresh Prince awww yeeah.

And here. Check those pics.





So this weekend's been pretty crazy. It ended with a rain dance outside of the Man House with Wayne and Robin and that's how I like it.

the proof is in the pudding

I absolutely love Roman.

"Playing in the street!
In the wind!
On a hill!
At night!
On a WEDNESDAY!"

We had a study sesh tonight and told each other the we'd make it to page 18 before going to the gas station for some TMG. So we studied. It took forever because we kept getting sidetracked and distracted and talking about things totally not related. Then when we finally got to page 18 we ran outside and (after dancing in the street for a little while) we went to get our beloved TMG. We went inside, passed our beloved gas station man, walked to the beloved corner where the TMG machine sits.. and on the TMG button.. was a sign, that read "Out Sorry" Do you know how sad that was? I don't know, but I think I really almost cried. We stood there for about ten minutes just trying to decide what to do. We felt like if we got something else, we would be betraying our TMG or trying to replace it. We told our gas station man how we'd studied for nothing and how we drove with the windows down so we'd get cold so the TMG could warm us up, and now we had to settle for plain old hot chocolate. And he charged us for smalls when we got mediums because he could see the sadness in our eyes.

And we went to the park to swing. I <3 swings.




Subject change....



Signs.
Coincidences.
What is freaking up?
My mind = completely clouded.

have a nice day

I worked today for five hours... with my pants unzipped.
I didn't realize until I got home.

cookies sure were good

Let me first say that Battle Royale is basically one of the sweetest movies I've ever seen. And maybe I'm just so pumped about it because of all the caffeine, but it's still an excellent film. Know what else is excellent? I now have a place to wear my dress to end all dresses. And that place is homecoming. Oooooh snap. And here's another thing I enjoyed: getting my first paycheck today. And having the song "Money (That's What I Want)" playing over in my head ever since this morning. And and and, bringing in fall with some nice toasty marshmallowy goodness with Roman last night. Man. I love TMG. And fall. And Roman.


"I" went to see Sigur Ros tonight. In the form of a piece of paper. At least, I hope. Jaryd and Lee both said they would have a picture of me and Kyra on a stick and pretend it was us. That way we were there.

whammy

So... things are cool. What is there to say?

I made the best cd of all time for Kevin. I'm proud of that. Hopefully he likes it because, man, those are some good tunes. And I burned Plans for Becky. So, like, I like how advisory today was Becky, Jaryd, Kevin and me all listening to the same songs on two different sets of headphones and we were only off by a second or two.

In seventh hour Kayla and Doug started talking about what they were doing after high school. I joined in the conversation. Basically, I don't have too much of an idea. So I said I didn't know, then turned around, then a minute later said "No wait! Know what I've always wanted to be? The crazy aunt. Or the crazy neighbor lady. Or you know like your friend's mom who when you go over to their house you're always like... what the poop is wrong with her? I want to be that." Doug said I'll be like Kramer when I'm older. They said I could be in independent films. I'm going to make a movie about mashed potatoes. They said some other things too but I wandered off and made a bracelet out of yarn.

I was at layout for newspaper today for about five hours. And guess what I did. Pretty much nothing! But shh. I pretended to be busy the whole time. I made a box and slapped one page together, and that's basically it.

Next week's homecoming week, and I wasn't planning on dressing up because that's too much work and I'm not really into it. BUT at layout tonight, Elaina and I decided we were going to dress up for celebrity day. And man it's gonna be sweet. Just you wait...

celery

I never really update, do I? At least not as often as I used to. Sorry about that.

So I haven't really mentioned school at all. It's not too shabby really. I'm not about to get stressed over it like I did last year. I mean my classes are way easier and I don't have swim to get in the way anymore. It's working out nicely.

I keep getting compliments on my work in photography and newspaper. I mean, photography, every day someone says "That's really cool" or something to that effect and I dig it. I'm way ahead on my project and everyone asks me how to do stuff so I feel important. In newspaper today I got "Were your ears ringing yesterday? Because we were all talking about how good your articles are." And those are the two classes where you can really take pride in compliments, you know? Because it's not like if someone said "Hey, good job on that histogram" I'd really even care. Or like "You're really good at conjugating verbs in the preterite." Who cares?

And I'm liking Advanced Photo a lot. Basically we already know what all of our assignments are, so we can do them whenever. And class time is pretty much.. sit in the back and do nothing time. Or use the darkroom. But mostly I just listen to some tunes and do homework for other classes. Today I went into the Art Metals classroom and melted wax while I talked to Tyler and Lee. Tyler and I branded our knuckles to show our manliness. Meh-heh-heh.

So what has been going on? Let's see...

Last week I bought the coolest dress to end all dresses, at Promenade. Kyra and I were shopping downtown (we were walking downtown yeah-eah-eah) and I hit the jackpot. Best dress ever. No lie. I mean, I'm not a dress person, and I dig it. I just need an excuse to wear it now. Like a tea party.. or.. when do people even wear dresses?

Oh, so I work now. At Osco right alongside Kayleigh, which is fun. It's weird when someone says "What did you do yesterday?" and I tell them I worked. Or "Let's hang out tomorrow" and I have to say I'm working.

Which reminds me, since I work on Friday, that means no Sigur Ros for me. I couldn't go even if I'd wanted to (and I did). Maybe I'll go to Corpse Bride after I get done and pretend that it's anywhere near as sweet as seeing Sigur Ros. Yeah. Right.

OH! And talk of the weekend reminds me that there's been talk of starting the "Bitchin' Parties" back up sometime soon. Do you know how awesome that'd be? Answer: Very. And if not BP's we at least need massive park hangouts like the good ol' days.

And on that note.. I'm out. Goodnight.








P.S. Lately I'm realizing just how much I love everyone.

perspective

Everything that was bothering me today is really, really insignificant now.

S
o
r
r
y.

do you know we're in high demand?

So K.Bot and I, we have hung out every Saturday for the past five. Adventures each time. The thing is though, we're both mega indecisive. So it's like.. we always just do whatever. And somehow always get yelled to by some weirdo guy.

Like once we were walking downtown around 9 or 10 and this guy, I don't know, I guess thought we were whores. He told us he had five dollars.

And today some guy in the mall, after we walked by, said "Did you see those hot girls? The one in the yellow?"

So.. weird.

But I wonder if I knew the guy. Cause I was wearing yellow and I don't know what kind of stranger would call me hot. You know. What kind of person would, unless it was a friend of mine who was being funny.

So.. weird.

But anyway Tim and I walked all over Ian and Kyra/Ally tonight in Brothers in Arms. But I just thought you should know. They lost horribly. They practically cried.

And Ian brought up pet names and how he would hate being called Sweetums or Teddy Bear so I was trying to think of some good ones. We decided Barfbag would be a good pet name. And Fishstick. But Honeypie? What even is that?



Oh, P.S. My brother is 18 as of midnight. I texted him saying "GO SHAWTAY! IT'S YO' BIRFDAY!" But he didn't even understand it. Man. What a lame-o.

important things that happened today:

Amanda and I said "Go-Cart" at the exact same time.

I ran through some sprinklers.

I was hired at Osco.

I was late to school.

I found a feather.

peep this

Say the word "thanks". I mean to yourself. Right now. Like over and over and over and over. I've been saying thanks a lot lately (to people, not myself). But I noticed.. I really like the "-nks" of it. I dig it.

nks

nks

nks

Tom Hanks

planks

cranks

tanks

your friends pooped on your car

I don't even have anything to say. I just wanted to use that title.

perkins jerkins

Will they ever fix the sign at Perkins? I hope not. I like it better when it's Jerkins. And I dig their apple pie like I have never dug a pie before. And it's so much better when you have a table of seven people all eating the pie, no plates involved.

Let's hear if it for apple pie.

And let's hear it for drug tests. As if peeing in a cup was not awkward enough, I had to hand it to the guy. Someting about that just felt.. a little too.. personal?

How about a round of applause to me for finally getting a job? Well, I guess I'm not actually hired yet. But should be soon.

Oh, and let's get excited for advanced photography. Let's do it. Because I already have all of my assignments for the semester, film and paper, basically everything I need and I'm nothing short of pumped. I'll probably start taking pictures tomorrow even. And I probably would love company. That could be you.

But let's give a long low "boo" to people who don't take the time to MEET ME before they decide what they think about me. I mean, I don't know, maybe I'm imagining it.. but it seems like it happens to me way more than anyone else. I've had many-a-friend tell me things like "Before I knew you, I always thought you were a huge bitch." and things along that line. Then Roman told me today how people (more than one) have asked her lately what I'm like, because I guess I'm quiet. And the one kid who she could remember, she said he asked "What is she like? Is she snotty?" (or something like that). Like, dude, I'm not so bad a person. Come up to me and say hello. I won't tear your face off, I swear. I'm not like.. unfriendly. I'm shy around people sometimes, and maybe even a loner some of the time, that doesn't mean I'm too good for people. Sheesh Louise.

I would LOVE to talk to you.

gas is up.....

I've had a fantastic day. You don't believe me, do you? I mean, with school and everything.. no one really wanted to go to school, but I'll be the first to admit I was a little excited.

Ally picked me up and on our way to Dunkin' Donuts we noticed there were leaves falling from the trees. It just shows how very close autumn is and that is mighty mighty sweet. We were listening to the new Death Cab CD because it's sooooo gooooood, and I told Ally how..

The song "Someday You Will Be Loved" always gets me. The part that goes "You'll be loved like you never have known, and the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams" makes me freakin' sad, to tell you the truth. But then it goes on to say "A series of blurs, like I never occurred" And every time I hear blurs in the song, I think blurds and just basically start cracking up. So my sadness doesn't last too long. Now I bet you can't hear that song without thinking blurds. I'm sorry to ruin it for you. It's a nice song. Now all you'll think about is poop, mwaha.

So, anyway, we went to Dunkin' Donuts.. and the sign, simply amazed me.
Bahaha. I just thought, what if everyone was always complainging about donut prices going up? "It's up to 2.90 a donut. I swear I'm just going to start eating bagels if it goes any higher."

We ate.

I got this coffee. I was all about it, until, a few sips into it, I realized it was just as disgusting as any other kind of coffee. It was Marshmallow Iced Coffee. What part of that does not sound delicious? Oh yeah.. the coffee part.

And then.. to school.. as upperclassmen (weird). All day I was saying how GREAT school was and how GREAT it was to be there, how PUMPED I was, and I don't think anyone knew if I was sarcastic or not. It was not too shabby at all.

Yeah, so school was alright. And then I had an interview. And, like, pretty much have a job I think. So that's good.

Tomorrow = Friday = weekend = sweet.

EXCEPT

I can't drive for a week.. because I may or may not have dented the car a few weeks back. Yikes. But I swear I'm a good driver.

sidenote

Did I mention that my brother is a senior this year? It makes me sad, BUT we have first hour together. And that.. is flyyyy.