every sound is tame

I was no fun at all tonight. I feel real bad about it too. I don't know.. I guess I just had a few things on my mind, and something else that happened didn't make me too happy. But I just felt like I was a drag to be around. At one point everyone was playing Hide and Seek or something (we were at the park) and I just sat on the ground playing cell phone Brick Attack. Lame, I know, but I wasn't trying to be anti-social or anything, that's just how it happened. I hated feeling down for no reason, and just wanted to get away from the group, so I left to get food with Tiffany and Emilee. When we got back everyone was broken up and sad or quiet. Then everyone else was hungry, so we all went to Perkins, where it was a fifteen minute wait for nine people. Amanda and I ripped in the parking lot, and colored with crayons. I ended up leaving before we were even seated so I could make it home on time. I was really 20 minutes early, but I don't mind too much at all. I just wasn't having a good night, despite the sporadic bursts of it being alright.

walking on eggshells

I don't even want to talk anymore. No matter what I say, someone will get offended. No matter what I do, someone will misunderstand my intentions. It's not even worth it to not care, because it'll just come back and sting me in a big way. So if I don't talk to or about you at all anymore, if I pretty much ignore your existence, realize that it's because you're being so touchy and sensitive.

breaking off is misery

I was just sitting and my eyes started watering for no reason. A single tear rolled down my cheek, and I felt like I was crying. It even tricked me. I'm just that tired that I don't even know what's going on.

-----------------
Things I'm (apparently) No Longer Allowed to Say:
1. "Hey, man/dude, listen...."
2. "The thing about that is...."
3. "You don't even know"
4. "Haggard"
5. "Haaaaaaang ouuuut"
6. "Traaaaashed"
7. "Jellyhead"
-----------------

I don't care.

i'm a hustler baby

I jus want you to know.

i'd do everything to you

Hooray!

Spring break is over. That's not why I said "Hooray," I don't know what is.

Today I woke up at noon which was really 1:00 because of Daylight Savings Time. I sat around for a while and then Bobby and Amanda, or "Bomanda" (officially), came and picked me up. We went to a place to get a thing for my photography project. We were sitting in the parking lot about to leave when "Brileigh" called Amanda, and they came and joined. We took pictures and sat, Brian skated, and we all went to Frostie Freeze. Then we went to Clara's house, where Clara and Eric and Tim were. And, la la la, I don't know.

I noticed everyone found lovers over spring break. And those who didn't (me) found new friends, which is equally cool.

Looking at the clock, I just realized that it's past midnight, Monday, which means I go back to school today. Arrrrrgh.

And I'm not even tired. I might just stay up.

straightfacedefecate

So, first, I'd like to say that while my comments may have been rude/ignorant to my mom, I found what she was saying even more rude. Commenting on a couple, saying that they shouldn't get married, when you really have no idea and hardly know them at all, is incredibly rude I say. And, to whoever commented, you weren't there. Maybe I didn't explain it well but what she was saying seemed pretty out of line. It just wasn't cool. Maybe what I said wasn't too cool either, but hey, I doubt it's to the point that you should hope to God your children won't end up like me.


Now that that's out of the way...

Lemme say that last night was pretty ridiculous. I felt like I was back in third grade. We were all at Clara's house and then Amanda Bobby and I left to go to his friend's house for a bit (which, by the way, was pretty awkward). When we got back everyone was whispering about something. Apparently they'd decided that Amanda and I were in a silent competition over Bobby. I guess when you're bored you make up romance. We decided to lead them on, so the two of us went in the bathroom and faked a fight, but no one really knew what we were doing. Oh well. Entertainment I guess.

They were even calling us a love triangle.

All I have to say is 'Green Bay Jelly.'

the only thing constant was the constant reminder they'd never change

Earlier today my dad was telling my mom about his friend who's engaged. The friend has quite a bit of money in the bank and his fiancee is pretty young. My mom acted completely disgusted about their getting married. She said it's ridiculous that the girl is going from living with her parents to living in a dorm to being married, that she'll never know how to support herself. I said I thought that was basically what my mom did with my dad. I was really just trying to shut her up.

It was annoying. I mean, who really cares? If they're truly in love then that's all that matters, and if she's just using him for the spendables then she will most likely land on her ass somewhere down the line and that'll be that.

But then a few minutes ago my mom out of nowhere said "you know, I did used to have a job." I'd forgotten about the other conversation because it was hours and hours ago but I guess what I said bothered her. "For the first five years I knew your dad I made more money than he did." And she kept going on and on, until I told her that the fact she thought she had to talk to me about this proves that she thinks what I said might be true. Blahblah. Something like that.

I know she knows how to support herself. I know she used to actually have jobs. I know the only reason she doesn't now is because of us (kids). But she always talks about how I won't be able to rely on someone else for the rest of my life blahblahblah when basically that's what she's doing. I'm not saying she married a rich guy just for money but what I'm saying is some people can get through life without doing a thing for themselves.. not that that's what she did, but I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying to say really.

Oh well.

I think I pretty much love 'Elevator' and wish it was five days from now so I could buy it.

guaranteed to blow your mind

Something big always happens after a big storm, which means something big will happen soon, if it hasn't already.

I know this.. because I know everything.

123

I was in a waffle coma this morning. After Belgian Waffles at IHOP I came home and passed completely out. And then when I woke up I had a waffle hangover. Mhmm.

Matt came over. Target. Ally's house. Dumb girls. Palmer Park. Clara's house. El fin.

I have no idea how to do laundry.

with my fly

I burned my hand tonight. It hurts.. bad. I'm not telling you this to get pity. I'm telling you because it makes me sound tough.

The gas station man laughed at me when I said that.

Tonight was.. the first Toasty Marshmallowy Goodness in a long while, the first hangage with Roman in a long while, the first round of the Madness in a long while and I lost.

In the car we talked about this thing.. this same type of situation we're in with different people. It's the first time I've admitted it though, and now that I've said it I'm thinking about it even more.

So, uh, yeah.


added (3/29)- The 'situations' have nothing to do with crushes. Did I make it sound like that? The thing is, we both have friends who used to be really close friends, but now they're not so much. And it's sad.

So.. the end.

did you see the thummmbs on that boy?

Have you ever been pumping gas, forgot to set the lid thinger on the car and driven away? It's no good.

I was with Melanie tonight and she needed gas. I told her I'd pump it.. because I can. So I got out, unscrewed the lid, and set it on top of the car. I was trying to select a payment method when I realized there was no "Pay Inside" button. I did what everyone else would do and pressed every single button on the thing. I hit the "Help" button and two seconds later a voice was talking to me. Scared me. I jumped in the car and we decided we'd get gas elsewhere (it was a debit only deal).

Three blocks away and I realized the lid was still on the car. Or.. it wasn't on the car, rather, it was in the middle of Milton Avenue. We had to turn around and pick it up. At least we found it, but holy poop.



Melanie and I may or may not have bought dried chile peppers and a plastic cucumber at the dollar store.

We may or may not have bought a "BABY ON BOARD" sign, also.

We may or may not have gotten these things just to put them on Ally's car.

We may or may not have gone to Eric's house to do just that.

But when we did or did not arrive at the house, Ashley may or may not have been outside, forcing us to temporarily postpone Operation Chile, and go inside.



And Eric's house wasn't so bad tonight. I mean last night it wasn't bad or anything, but yeah last night was poop. I had a headache and it only got worse at Clara's crowded loud house thing. So we left and went to Eric's, but the headache was still there and everyone started being jerks, talking all kinds of smack about one of my friends. Oh well I guess. What can you do?

kcusuoyuoyetahi

I'm hungry

I have a headache.

Tonight was lame.

I want my hat back.

THE END

passing through unconcious states

I stole a car today.

Not really.

I wanted some driving action, so I drove my mother to the library. It's not that far so I didn't just go straight home. I kept on driving after I passed my house. It wasn't until I was on my way to "Betroit" that my mom made me turn around. One of these days, when no one's looking, one of the cars will vanish from our garage, along with me.

So I decided that I would start reading again, hence the library visit. I used to read books books books all the time but I stopped about a year ago. Can't remember why. Oh well. Hooray.

Yesterday I was clinging to my life while clinging to a tree trunk.

Well, not really.

Ally was helping me with my photo assignment. I had to take self portraits, so I needed someone to actually take the pictures. I thought it would look cool if I climbed this tree in my backyard. It's a big tree, and someone a long time ago nailed boards to the trunk so you can climb it like a ladder. Well I stepped onto the first one and it was wiggly. A few seconds later it fell, so I had to cling onto the trunk. It's not like I would've gotten hurt if I'd fallen, but it sounds cooler if you think that I risked my life.

Alright alright so check this. Last night I was on a little walk when it was just starting to get dark outside. A few blocks from my house, there was this other person walking towards me. He/she/it said "Carly!" and then it turned out to be my neighbor/teacher. She said "I recognized you before I could see your face.. because you have a really recognizable walk"... or something. And now I'm crazy self-concious about the way I walk. Doesn't everyone look the same when they walk? Do I strut? Or limp? Or have a pirate swagger? Who freaking knows?!

But it's like when someone tells you that you say a word funny, then you can't say it without thinking about it first for the rest of your life. (Ex: a girl in eighth grade told me I said "chocolate" more like "chah-klit" which, apparently, was wrong. I have never said it without thinking since).

Bah.

lucky!

I have this friend, let's call her Pecky. Now Pecky has a boyfriend named Bhil. Pecky and Bhil have been dating for about eleven months. Okay. Screw the code names. It was fun for a second though. Becky and Phil have been dating for eleven months. I'm jealous. Don't tell them. This morning, Phil brought Becky breakfast.. AND FUN DIP! No way, man. How could you not be jealous of that? But seriously, I think they are a dream couple. The end.

Someday I'll have a boyfriend, and we will eat candy together, k?





My fingers are really tired because I was typing homework for THREE HOURS. I only took a break when Robin and Melissa visited me and wandered through my house. Robin pays people to call her and make her look cool.


Yeah.. that's it.

'that's what HE said'

I tried going back to bed but my eyes just wouldn't close. It's crazy since yesterday I was tired as all H. Oh well so I'm doing this instead.

This weekend was an alright one. Yes, only alright.

I was with Ally and Matt on Friday, and Matt on Saturday. We went places, saw people. I don't know. Nothing too exciting.

We kept doing the "..That's what HE said!" thing. After a while we were saying it after everything, especially when it didn't make sense.

So Ally and I tried to watch 'Leprechaun in the Hood' Friday night. Ever heard of that theatrical masterpiece? Well, it's about this leprechaun statue that comes alive when his "bling" is removed from his neck. In the opening scene he stabs a guy in the jugular with an afro pick! I wish I was making this up. The worst part about it is that this movie has sequels. Sequels.. that's right.. more than one.

Yeah.

I'm looking forward to spring break. Bray Road possibly? TRH definitely. Then there are lots of little plans too. I'm mostly excited that I'll be able to sleep though.

Oh and guess what! A.Bomb has a car now. Wait.. scratch that. Tomorrow she will have a car, but we already named it and everything. I think we'll have to christen it to make it official though.



I am Jill's nipple.

let it be known

I hate AIM more than seafood. But, yes, I still use it



P.S. Roman is officially a lifeguard

no way of knowing

Something I said on Friday.. Something I said to two different people, one very in-depth and the other just a quick conversation.. I thought I knew exactly what I was talking about. I believed what I was saying. And then I had a dream last night that changed my mind completely.


Not that it's a big deal..




It just has me a little confused.

my thoughts were so loud i couldn't hear my mouth

I'm tired, and in about 40 minutes I have a drive time. No good. There are so many things I'd rather be doing than driving and watching someone else drive for two whole hours. For instance.. I could sleep. I could do my bundles of make-up work that I still have. I could use the dye that I bought today. And, hmm, well that's really all there is. But now that I think about it, this whole day in general was no good. I was, of course, tired. And then I kept thinking about this thing over and over and over and just could not stop. You know when you're in a really crowded room and everyone's talking, how you can't listen to just one person at a time? Well it was like that, but in my head. All of my thoughts were all of the different people and I could not for the life of me understand what I was thinking. And I realized that when I'm like that I put things in my mouth that should not be in my mouth (pennies, bottlecaps, etc.). Stupid me and my nervous habits. Gah.. Well I hope I figure things out and everything.



But, uhh...

It's not a beer belly, it's a full tank for a sex machine.

looking to find truth in words, in rhymes, in notes

For once I did all of my homework tonight. Now I don't really have anything to do, I'm getting bored with the computer already. I'm thinking of cracking open some of my journals to see what I wrote. I forgot to mention that as of March 1st it has been a year since I've been paperjournaling. It kind of amazes me. I mean usually I don't stick to anything at all for too long, and a year seems like forever. I've read a few entries before and it's just crazy how different I was not even a year ago. Yeah, I think I'll go read some.

you're obsessed with stars

Did my photography assignment today. An entire roll of film on just one person. Ally was my slab of meat. I made her hula hoop, sit in a shopping cart, wear 8 hats and go down the up escalator (not all at the same time).

Before that I had my post-op for my throat. Everything looked fine I guess. I asked about something I had been wondering, and Dr E confirmed that, yes, what I've been feeling in my throat every now and then is me swallowing scabs. How lovely.

And I was told that I still can't eat crunchy things (nuts, popcorn, etc etc) for another week. I thought I was good to go this Friday but I guess not. I don't really understand what I can and cannot eat I guess.

Saturday was going to be the Texas Roadhouse Feast Extravaganza, but I thinkI might have to wait another week, because of the still-not-being-able-to-eat thing, and because TOC is on Saturday. I'm not going, but everyone and their mothers are. Maybe we'll just do it next weekend.. or something.

I can't wait until this week is over. I'm still catching up on the work that I missed while I was gone. I have five quizzes/tests to make up by Friday. I'm also making myself turn in all the homework by Friday. So by the end of this week I should be all caught up and not so stressed.


Now I have to move all this stuff off of my bed before I can sleep.
Night.