things will change, and i can't afford to wait

I keep telling myself that in three weeks everything will be different, and it's true. (Not that I'm not happy with the way things are now). By then, school will be over (no more stress). I'll be old enough to drive and have a little more freedom. I might even have a job. There are other things that I could mention, but I don't want to jynx anything. I just think that three weeks from now I could be completely happy with every part of my life. I suppose there's a chance of every single thing going wrong from now 'til then, but let's hope not.

/Fingers crossed/

blah blah blah and live without it

That'd be cool if I knew a lot about the planets and jive. Then I could tell if they are aligned, and if the planets being aligned even means anything. Roman and I are pretty much convinced that something's going on. This much good doesn't (usually) come out of nowhere, all of a sudden, for no reason. There must be something bigger involved- karma or I don't know what.

I've kinda got my fingers crossed, though... hoping it'll last/happen/last.



P.S. Ally works at a law firm now. She's probably going to make tons of old sophisticated lawyer friends and discuss the stock market with them over mocha frappucinos. They'll play tennis on the weekends and she'll start wearing pastel polos with sweaters tied around her neck. We'll know it's true when she starts spending all of her time at yacht clubs. (So maybe it won't happen.. but wouldn't that be great?)

what do you do?

I went around "jobhunting" today. Well it wasn't really a hunt. I got like four applications- enough to make my mom happy. She's been hassling me lately about getting a job for the summer. The thing is, I'm still fifteen, and you have to be sixteen to work pretty much anywhere good. That means I have to wait three weeks before I even turn in the apps. I don't know why I'm supposed to be in such a rush. Whatev. I'm not complaining.

I feel kinda dumb though filling these out. I don't have any previous experience. I don't have any skills. I thought about writing "Special Skills: being supercool" but I don't know if they'd believe me. It's true though. Ask anyone.

i wonder..

.. how many times I've written my name in my life.
.. how many pennies I've kissed.
.. how many steps I take every day.
.. what word I say the most.


(Because I don't have anything else to do.)

i'll poke it twice as hard, for both of us

I'm about to leave school today when I smell burning hair. Look to my right, and one of the many crazies who shares a locker next to mine just had burning hair. No joke. On fire. Her hair. They set it aflame! ..I don't get it. Why? Why was her hair on fire? And why did it have to be a foot away from me? Oh, I know why. It's because they're crazy. And now the smell of singed hair is stuck in my nose.

Another bad smell? Dead animal. Each day this week we're disecting a different "critter" in bio. Yesterday was squid day, and man I massacred that thing. You'd think I would be a little hesitant, but no. Not at all. I actually thought I'd get sick and/or faint, but I guess I'm over my weak phase, 'cause I went to town on that thing.. whatever that means.. hopefully it doesn't mean anything gross. Today we did an earthworm (lame). Yet to go: frog, perch, rat. Sick!

Honestly nothing big's going on right now. I'm not complaining at all, though. I guess I'm not allowed to go out on school days/nights anymore, so Sunday-Thursday I just go to school and come home (which is why I have nothing better to talk about). It makes the week seem slower. And, when I don't have anything better to do, I just sleep. I sleep way too much.


P.S. I used a payphone yesterday. It was pretty incredible.

,

Just got word that the r.r.p.d. thing didn't happen...


Too bad.

the way things go..

I slept for eleven hours straight last night.

Guess what I'm doing right now...
Burning CDs, and lots of 'em. Amanda, Clara and I had our little impromptu burn party today at Amanda's hizzy. The thing is, I could only stay for a little over an hour so we just filled two discs with MP3 files, and now I'm burning CDs from that. It's nice. I've done eleven so far and there's more to go.

I wonder where I'd be without the little scrolly thing in the middle of my mouse.

So tonight Ally and I went to the Shaw's house- who we didn't know- for a bonfire. Zach, Jon, Nate and Ian were there too. Pretty much I sat and listened to them tell stories for an hour or two. Funny stuff. I maybe said ten sentences the entire time, because seriously there was no breakage in the storytelling. Not a bad thing.

Back to burning.

cool kids.. they belong together

The show was a fun time. There were tons of people that I hadn't seen for a long while, and tons that I just didn't expect to see. Lots and lots of people. And ice cream! Yesssss.

The weirdest thing happened though. Well maybe not THE weirdest thing, but definitely A weird thing. I felt a little.. I think deja vu? I felt like everything had happened before and I knew what was going to happen next, but I didn't. I don't really know. Then I got extremely lightheaded, and then dizzy. The whole thing only lasted maybe ten seconds, but it was just a bunch of odd feelings rolled into one.

r.r.p.d.

For months, _____ and I have had this perfect scene in our minds. Like a movie ending. We know the people, the lines, everything, and it's going to happen. If Saturday night is rainy, it's going to happen. I can't wait to see if it is.

waiting for a sign

"Indifferent" sums up how I feel about everything right this minute. I'm in a middle kind of mood. Rain makes me happy. Staying 40 extra minutes at school because of a tornado does not. Jealousy makes me hate myself. Lies upset me. But everything else is just fine.

a real update, real quick.. how bout it?

So, basically, nothing's been going on. My hair's completely revamped which is pretty cool. There's one month 'til my birthday (to the day) and about three weeks I think 'til school's out. I'm extremely excited, for both. I might get a job this summer but I don't really know. I mean I thought I pretty much HAD a job, but that didn't work out, and I never mentioned it, so I won't now either. I don't know where I'll apply because every place seems like it pretty much sucks.

Today I saw the prettiest color on a guitar, then when I told my brother about it I turned it into a five-minute story about how I picked it up and started playing then someone asked if I was famous because I was so amazing so they wanted my autograph carved into their head and it cost them one million dollars so they had to sell their house and their leg and their first-born son, etc. etc. I could go on, but I won't.

I told you nothing's been going on.



But I found out today that we have to disect four animals in biology :(

lonely? moi?

Maybe.

i want a sandwich

Last night I went to a show at the Pipe, even though the last time I went (September) I swore to never go again, because I thought Pipe shows had pretty much reached their peak of lameness. Well I was pretty much right. I left within the first 20 minutes to take a trip to WallyWorld. But when I came back, I guess I had fun. I guess. Okay, I did. Had some dance battles, lost my voice (the reason I was screaming is kind of a long story). But then at one point some guys started moshing out of nowhere. Bah. I got shoved, hit my ankle on a grindrail, and now it's swollen and purple. Poop.

Did you know Wendy's has free Frosties this weekend? Pretty much the coolest thing ever. I think it's because of that Finger-In-The-Chili incident. People should pull scams like that more often.

le petit mort

So I finished that book I was talking about (Why I Committed Suicide by Sam Paul), and I still haven't decided if I like it or not. I like the way it's written, and every now and then there are some really great parts but sometimes it's like the same thing over and over and it gets old after a while. Well I guess I do like it. I'll probably even end up reading it again just because. And just so you know, it's not entirely depressing and morbid, despite the name.

----

"Sleep is good, but sleeping while we're awake is just blindness."

rollin' on dubs (whatever that means)

I don't like being called "hon" repeatedly by someone I don't know. I don't like being told I don't drive smooth when it's the sticky pedals fault. I don't like answering a stranger's questions about hobbies, interests, school, and life (small talk) when I know they don't really care. I don't like being told what I already know. In other words I really didn't like my drive time today. It was my third, and I had some clown (not a literal clown [duh]) that I'd never even seen before. The kid who drove before me did a pretty bad job I thought, but then I found out the car was a piece. The pedal stuck like a beeee. Well throughout my driving, the instructor kept saying "you're conscientious, but I can tell you haven't had much practice," or "it looks like you pretty much know what you're doing," or "one of these days you'll be a pretty good driver." I know I'm not that bad. I've only been driving for two/three months here, and I fully blame the stupid car for anything I did wrong.

Well I wasn't in a great mood because I was wearing four shirts and it was way too hot for that.

But I do admit I thought it was cool that the instructor "sensed" I was planning on becoming an art major. I like that he could guess that.


This morning at school we had an assembly for history where we listened to Vietnam veterans tell stories. I decided that if there's ever a draft and I'm drafted, I'll be a Conscientus Objector rather than leave the country, in case you wondered.

ain't nobody, got nothin' in my pocket

I'm reading this book right now- on page 290 of 318. I'm still not sure if I really like it or really do not (it's one end or the other, not the middle). But the way it's written is making me think in weird patterns, if you understand what I mean by that. When I write it sounds like the book which is not good really because it's lots of run-on crap that starts to not really make sense at all. Oh well.

So lately I can't stop buying CDs. I think I have maybe $10 to my name because it always goes straight to buying new discs. Three in the past four days? Yes please.

There are only about 20 or something days left of school and that really excites me. A lot. But I currently have two C's and that's not gonna fly so I have to do something to fix that real soon.

hours move to minutes and i'm seconds away

Not much has happened. Time's going by really fast lately and I can't explain why. It's like all week I'm itching for the weekend and when it's here it hardly lasts and barely seems worth anything. I need more of a break than those few days and that won't come until summer. I would say "I can't wait" but, truth is, I can. I'm willing to wait for summer because I know it'll be amazing. I get my license in about a month, and with that comes freedom. I'll have places to go and people to go with to the places I go. Maybe that sentence was weird, but what I mean is I have friends who I'm really looking forward to spending even more time with blahblahblah. I don't want to get sappy so I'm stopping before I even sort of begin to. But I do love my friends and I am really glad I have them. All of them. And, oh yeah, it's 12:20 AM and I really need sleep.

stupid shirt

I saw a shirt that said "I WORE THIS YESTERDAY". Who would buy that? I mean, you could never wear it. You could wear the shirt every day for the rest of your life, but the first time you put it on, it's a lie. You didn't wear it yesterday. There's no way to start wearing it, because the first day you wear it.. you didn't wear it yesterday.

5-5-5, and then a bunch of sixes

Today being Cinco de Mayo, we had one of those dumb 'fiestas' in Spanish where everyone makes 'authentic' Mexican food that is guaranteed to taste like poop. During class, I looked over at this kid across the room because I couldn't tell what he was eating. Turns out it was guacamole. He was eating the guac straight-up. Shoveling it into his mouth like it was pudding. Ohhh man. And I've gotta wonder how badly his breath stinks, because I would believe you 100% if you told me this kid has never seen a toothbrush in his life. I'm not trying to trash anyone or anything.. but gaaaah. Gross.

Guacamole's the worst.

"her mouth agape with a mixture of pleasure, longing, and duck meat"

My friends are cooler than yours. Actually, they're probably not. Maybe not even close. But answer me this: Do you spend your lunch period eating Taco Bell and playing with a TalkBoy? Odds are you don't, and you're jealous of myself, Ally, Ashley, and Liz because we do. It's a good time. Believe me.

But today I accidentally recorded over-

Tim: "Born and raised in Massachusetts! I had seven brothers and two sisters. My dad killed the sisters, so it was just me and the brothers. We went to a boys' school!" etc, etc. It sounded a lot funnier than it looks.

Guess what!
I got my script for Follies today. Yeah, I never mentioned that I tried out a few weeks ago, and I am in Jessica's skit as the Lover. If you've ever seen on SNL the old couple who talk about love-ahs and ham.. well, my friends, that is this. And I'm the Lover. Yessssss.

ring-a ding-ding

Did you know that May 2nd is/was the annual Carly Gets Sad And Nostalgic Over People She Misses and Listens to Sad and Nostalgic Music and Thinks of Them night? Well apparently it is, because that's how I was last night. And I wrote and wrote and thought and missed. And then I thought, well I have nothing better to do, I'll read old journals.. sounds like a plan. And it turns out the on May 2nd last year I did pretty much the same thing.

Coincidence?

I think not...


But anyway, how are people? I'm good mostly. I am grounded for a week as of Sunday, not exactly sure why. The joys of being fiveteen I guess[I forgot how to spell 'fifteen' today and wrote 'fiveteen'. but it looks right, doesn't it?].

But in less than a month and a half I'll be the big 1-6, and I'll be taking my road test that same day, and I'll get my license, and everyone will use me for rides, and it'll make me sad, so I'll threaten to take them to a dirt road in the middle of nowhere and make them walk home, and then they'll never use me again. I can't wait!