i should've left you at the flea market

Things are not going my way lately. And it's not that I'm used to getting whatever I want, it's just that all the tiny things that could go wrong, have. And nothing makes any sense.

Is it so easy to get angry at me? I feel like I keep getting blamed for faults of others. I'm the metaphorical whipping boy for every adult in my life. Honestly.. or so it seems.

Am I just the last straw.. all the time? Am I just that easy to yell at?

I don't know, but it is really bringing me down.

Don't think I'm mega depressed. I mean, this isn't last winter. Or.. the one before that.

I feel selfish for even complaining, but today has been nothing short of horrible.


There were high points.
-the establishment of the LOTHT crew/ SNiCK nostalgia
-getting permission to eff the door project sideways

Aaaand the absolute lowest point, I'd have to say, was when that song came on and I had to just stare out the window.

"Nothing is fair or good alone"

copy + paste = no writing involved

T: .......
C: and everyone already knew
C: and so i'm thinking he could know
C: what the crap i'm so fourth grade
T: IM so fourth grade as well
C: why don't i just send him a freaking "do you like me? check yes or no" note?
T: hahah do it
C: and then he'll be like what the crap? no!
T: HE WILL BE LIKE
T: FINALLY
T: FINALLY I CAN EXPRESS MYSELF
T: and then check the Yes box
C: "I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR AN OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW MY TRUE FEELINGS... AND HERE IT IS!"
C: check
C: (no)
T: OH ZIP DA LIP
T: you are almost too amazing carly

don't be afraid, you have just got your eyes closed

So I'm reading A Farewell to Arms and it's not entirely horrible, though I really don't see Hemingway's appeal. But whatever, it's cool.

My mom forced me to make a christmas list today, but the thing is, there's not that much that I want/need. It's not the whole.. I'm growing up and Christmas is no big deal anymore thing.. for some reason it was just tough to think of anything to ask for. What I want lately has nothing to do with objects.

'Cause.....I want yo' bodddaaay!
(I'm kidding. I couldn't be more kidding.)

Today I went out to finish my roll of film for the doors project. Thirteen pictures ended up taking two hours. Well, okay, I just wandered around downtown making footprints in fresh snow and watching icicles drip. I tried to get lost but it didn't happen. I love winter and the sky was gorgeous.

Anyway.. my point: Tomorrow I'll process that film, maybe print some pictures after school. I have to have twelve. They have to be matted. They have to look sweet. All by the 21st, and I don't know if that's enough time, BECAUSE, I also have to start my journal project, and have it looking alright by the 21st. And I had this sweet plan for the doors which I don't know if I'll be able to put into action seeing as I've hit way too many obstacles and wasted far too much time on this.

Wait. I take that back. It'll be sweet and that's final.

Okay okay, getting to my real point: everything is beautiful and that's all I got.

'I didn't know that the words you said to me meant more to me than they ever could you'

I just don't think I'll ever

Turns out that I can make moves but still can't make decisions.

spider fingers

I was two minutes late to school and ended up in a freshman health class for first hour because "the Lockdown" got called right when I was by my locker. Silly dogs. I sat in the back and learned about love. I didn't hate it.

Photoshop? I don't really know how to use it, but I'm learning. The past few days I've been on a Photoshop spree.

So I don't get this....
The turkey.. turned into a sidedish. Kind of.
Non-food item.. is.. well... food.
Chan-chan-chaaaange.

I am not meant to do the door project for adv photo, I've decided. Last night I had my third attempt at taking pictures for it, and the stupid sun went down before I could finish the roll.

Stupid sun.

Stupid sons.

Stupid boys.



Don't eat anything calling itself a Cake-Pie.




5:50- I don't wanna, like, jinx stuff.. but let me just tell you that you get pretty flustered when you're interrupted in the middle of rapping "Golddigger," and I'm not making excuses.. but, I mean, if there's anything to be excused then this is my explanation. I was flustered.

be my december

It's kind of sad that I don't ever do anything in photography. But it's like.. I have all these ideas and all these plans but never enough time. The darkroom's never open, so I rarely even get in there. Sometimes there'll be extra room but then I'm stuck helping the not-advanced students and never get to do anything for my projects. This sucks, simply put.


Pillow.


It actually makes me pretty sad.


Candlabra.


I think tomorrow after school I'm going to take some door pictures. Should be exciting. But, you know, not really.


Spoonspoonspoon.


And I just saw something that made me smile really big. I guess the glow is back. That's what I hear.




Happy December.

there'd be no distance that could hold us back

It seems like I haven't had the time to be bored in weeks now. It's alright, but I don't know. Boredom is not all that bad sometimes.

Apparently every time I go to the park (a lot) my dad thinks I am (and I quote) "smoking dope."

I really miss "the old days" as we call them. The BP's where you didn't even know half the people but it was always fun. And the Sundays where we'd just go to Clara's or go play hide and seek at some park. And that time Matt spun me and Clara on the merry go round for 45 minutes until I couldn't even walk. We never do stuff like that anymore. I remember the days I was always with "the Crew." I got tired of it then, I went for two weeks without doing anything with them just for a break. But now we never do anything.. ever.

I miss Matt. Freakin' Jellyhead.

So I was talking to my friend, about how she should was going to talk to someone about something. (Pretty vague, I'm aware). And I told her that she had to do it soon otherwise she'd start making excuses, like "this isn't THE perfect time to bring it up" and putting it off forever. And putting it off and putting it off and putting it off. And that's no good.

Ever 'give advice' to someone when really you're the one who should be listening?




I want to be a light bulb.
Speaking of light bulbs, I changed one today.

house of mirrors

Mirrored lives? I don't hate it. We're going to look back on this and say it was crazy, but we know it's crazy now. At least we're never alone in anything. This is insane. We didn't talk about entrees or side-dishes once tonight. For the first time in six months. They protect us. I never thought of that. I told him he's like Patrick from Eternal Sunshine. Falling in love with unconcious girls. "You're not unconcious." Well you're not in love with me, sucka. He is Patrick because he's using lines and ploys to get me to like him. And it's not working. I'll end up meeting Joel at Montauk and I know it. The reason it's taking me days to watch one movie isn't because I keep getting tired.

nothing new

Nothing new, except confusion, and the fact that I really really want to go to MIAD.

so many ships sailing

C: "Remember when you said I was glowing?"
K: "Yeah..."
C: "..I want to glow again."

potato salad?

Enchanted Forest = O-V-E-R. And like.. I realize how much we hated it and asked "why did we do this?" but then I also realize how much we talk about all the sweet stuff that went down during the past few days. And I completely dug being a human blanket for K.Bot and Ski four days straight, and talking/singing with them. Or tickling them.

Speaking of tickling, my whole life I thought I wasn't ticklish anywhere, but Caitlin found a spot. And I would tell you, but holy crap, I wouldn't enjoy it one bit if everyone decided to ambush me and tickle the spot.

But anyway..

I spent two hours at Perkins tonight, no joke. Went with all these people from Enchanted Forest, but basically everyone I have EVER met showed up eventually. Like I think I knew probably 90% of the people in the building, and it was pretty full. I mean even my parents were there for a bit. It was crazy. I ate pumpkin pie (heavenly) and some manly man's pancake platter that I shared with Mike. Oh and chocolate milk. But somehow I only ended up paying $3. I don't get it.

Mr. Chicago = Crazy story.


I think I broke my nose.


And props to.. whoever invented Daylight Savings Time. And Sundays where I don't have to do anything.

brrrrrrr

I went to the beach tonight. Did you? I doubt it. It was nice. There was sand and chairs and kettle corn. I put sunscreen on. I could see my breath and it was the middle of the night, but still sweet.

Actually Kyra and I just decided to hang out at "the beach" after everyone left the park tonight. And the only person, out of all the people we called and texted, who was cool enough to come hang with us was Amanda.

Beach in October = sweeeweeeweeweet.

I spent the whole night cuddling with Ski and K.Bot. Why does it have to be so cold? Or.. why do I have to be oustide all day when it's cold?

I think my joints are frozen solid. I think I'm going to bed.

"You guys are GRR-OSS!"

"that was quick"

Tonight - first night Enchanted of Forest- way too cold. In between groups we'd just lay behind our thing and shiver. I laid on top of Phil and called him a Phillow.. and hey, maybe it was way funnier at the time.. but it still makes me laugh a little.

Freaking every kid wants a million dollars. What's with that? When I was little I wanted candy or a pet zebra or something. But money? Kids don't need money.

Haaaaaaaaa.

I love things lately. Things are going well. And people. I love them too.

I like all the people I just say a few words to every day. And the ones who I'm friends with now but never was before.

But I'm sad that Joey left. We weren't friends like the type that would call each other up to hang, but we'd end up hanging out anyway with everyone else. And I miss him already, as weird as it seems. When I left his Going Away Party on Saturday, I kept coming back for just one more hug. I was really sad.

And I'm even more sad when I think of how Elaina feels. But she seems alright. I mean I know she's upset, but she's doing a very good job of keeping herself together and everything. I'm proud of my little Elaina!

But I'm really tired. And even though I can sleep late tomorrow, I'm going to bed right now I think.

And I just made the best/worst playlist ever.

snap-snap

Has anyone ever noticed that when I try to say "seventy" it sounds more like sev-ah-dee? There's no N. It's kinda weird, I'll admit it.

stars and sons

What's been going on lately?

Well, let me tell you...

I found a paintbrush outside today and I kept it.

One of the coolest stores of all time maybe ever just disappeared. It's just gone, and it makes me sad. Especially since there were a few things I was planning on getting there when I had more money, and now they are gone forever. Where am I going to buy old skeleton keys now? Where can I get ugly wall decorations? Okay, probably many places, but it's still weird how it just vanished.

Tell All Your Friends, I have decided, is my favorite CD to sing. To freakin' belt. I mean, I don't even know if I like it anymore, because I haven't listened to it just to listen to it for a long time. When I listen to it, it's always because I want to sing loud, and that's it.

I got soap in my eye.

I just found out that M'Lyssa is drawing me for Drawing class, which is nothing short of awwwesome.

In fourth hour today, I felt like actually doing something for once, so I'm making this blob thing, out of black and white patterns. It's what the Art One classes did, but I'm just doing it for fun. Seriously, I'm really excited for it.

I love Yoo-hoo.

I love apple pies/cobblers/fritters/sauce/juice.

I love the fact that fall is here.

I do not love, however, the fact that bruises from seven months ago are coming back. That's not normal. I went to a show at the Pipe waaay back, got pushed into a grindrail by some stupid "hardcore" (psh!) dancers and got this intense bruise on the back of my right ankle.. well that's back. And that's not normal. But I had to get bloodwork done, and nothing is wrong there. Soo blaaah. I'll stop complaining now.

Today I got to see Ryan for the first time in a while. And I got to meet his six month old nephew. He's adorable. Honestly, the kid is almost too cute. And he kept looking at me and grabbing my fingers to chew on them. But that was probably the better part of my day, hanging out with Ryan and baby Dillon. I love Ryan and don't see him even close to enough.

Hey so.. completely unrelated, but...

I got a rose yesterday. How 'bout that, eh? Really, I don't deserve it. And I don't deserve being called "amazing" or "perfect". Especially not perfect. It kind of bothers me actually, that's why I argue about it. I mean, I feel like you'll eventually realize that no, I'm not perfect (at all), and I'd rather you realize that now. But, man, I'm not used to this.. And I think you're lying.

I know I'm holding back but I don't exactly know why.

Five months and Roman and I still have mirrored lives.




I hate blogs.

i'm a BRICK WALL!

...(with a door).


Oh, and just to tell you, I'm really confused lately. Wondering where this all came from and what is even happening. But who knows? I'll try to stop questioning it but I have to...

Bleh.

Today was Cake Day. And yes it was happy.

sand = overrated

Me = Speechless.

Which is fine, because it's not like I can say anything right anyway.

But, I don't understand.
Give me one good reason I'm anything close to even near-amazing.

do i have to spell it out for you, or scream it in your face?

My thumb just started twitching like a twitching madman. What's that supposed to mean?

So let's see.. You know I've decided that I'm missing something in my brain or something. Like the flirting cell. Or attraction cell or something. Because like. I have never been one to "flirt" but also, I never can tell if someone is interested in me, even if it's obvious to everyone else. And then, you know, that leads to the person thinking I'm not interested when really I am. But what am I supposed to do? Straight-up say "I want you"? I don't think it works like that.

Adv Photo = nothing to do. Yesterday I glued my shoe back together. And a few days ago I ripped out pictures from magazines, but I don't know what I'm doing with them.

I think someday if I tried I could go undercover as Keira Knightley.



P.S. I think I might punch the next person who buys dollar bling from Osco.

ryan cabrera, you are my sunshine

I spent the night running through a cornfield, looking for the Bray Road Beast. Actually most of the time we were just trying to find our way back to the road (lost). And Ian/ZachJ/Joel would find shoeprints and swear they were beast prints. Kyra got a picture of one so maybe you can see for yourself how shoe-like it is. Ally kept asking where we were. I had a flask full of orange juice and an ear of corn.

And did anyone else notice how sweet the sky looked?

here, have an orange slice

I wouldn't mind being a worm.

my head's a balloon

Four hours of sleep and I'm wide a-freaking-wake. I'll blame that on the NyQuil I took to help me get to sleep. Seriously, I take that stuff and just hibernate. Absolutely do not exist for as long as I sleep.

Oh, hey, I'm sick. Let me sum it up for you: sore throat, runny nose, coughing like I've never coughed before. It's not necessarily a party, but I can deal.

But yesterday at work I was doing truck and putting away cough medicine and all these medicines that just made me think of how sick I felt.

I printed some picures too. I took a roll of film the other day, of nothing in particular. I have to print the pictures at school, but I did some at work last night just to see how they'll turn out. And the answer to that: they'll turn out wonderfully. A few of them at least.

So

So

So

Let's discuss the weather. It's nice, I like it. It was way hot two days ago, now it's ch-ch-chilly. I had the urge to carve a pumpkin yesterday. And I can't wait for the leaves to fall so I can jump in them.

And

And

And

Word on the street is that Jerkins now has pumpkin pie. Well it's about time.

fourth hour and i've got no tunes?

Weak.

I haven't been getting enough sleep lately. I'm talking five hours a night. And that's a big difference from the twelve hours I slept every night during the summer. But I don't miss it. I want fall. And pumpkins and caramel and plums and leaves and scarecrows. Fallapalooza mhmmm.

People keep saying we look cute togeter and I don't know how I feel about that one.

But let's hang out this weekend (I'm talking to everyone now). I have 0 plans.

let's talk about homecoming

(Group = Caitlin and Tyler, Rachel and Andy, Me and Zach Dizzle)

It was good. Not like beyond words or anything, but it was fun. I liked it way better than I Homecoming freshman year. And I'm glad that Zach had more fun than he did at Homecoming last year. I forgot to tell him thanks for everything so I'll have to do that. After the dance we all went back to Caitlin's and ate/read an hour's worth of fortune cookies. And watched Fresh Prince awww yeeah.

And here. Check those pics.





So this weekend's been pretty crazy. It ended with a rain dance outside of the Man House with Wayne and Robin and that's how I like it.

the proof is in the pudding

I absolutely love Roman.

"Playing in the street!
In the wind!
On a hill!
At night!
On a WEDNESDAY!"

We had a study sesh tonight and told each other the we'd make it to page 18 before going to the gas station for some TMG. So we studied. It took forever because we kept getting sidetracked and distracted and talking about things totally not related. Then when we finally got to page 18 we ran outside and (after dancing in the street for a little while) we went to get our beloved TMG. We went inside, passed our beloved gas station man, walked to the beloved corner where the TMG machine sits.. and on the TMG button.. was a sign, that read "Out Sorry" Do you know how sad that was? I don't know, but I think I really almost cried. We stood there for about ten minutes just trying to decide what to do. We felt like if we got something else, we would be betraying our TMG or trying to replace it. We told our gas station man how we'd studied for nothing and how we drove with the windows down so we'd get cold so the TMG could warm us up, and now we had to settle for plain old hot chocolate. And he charged us for smalls when we got mediums because he could see the sadness in our eyes.

And we went to the park to swing. I <3 swings.




Subject change....



Signs.
Coincidences.
What is freaking up?
My mind = completely clouded.

have a nice day

I worked today for five hours... with my pants unzipped.
I didn't realize until I got home.

cookies sure were good

Let me first say that Battle Royale is basically one of the sweetest movies I've ever seen. And maybe I'm just so pumped about it because of all the caffeine, but it's still an excellent film. Know what else is excellent? I now have a place to wear my dress to end all dresses. And that place is homecoming. Oooooh snap. And here's another thing I enjoyed: getting my first paycheck today. And having the song "Money (That's What I Want)" playing over in my head ever since this morning. And and and, bringing in fall with some nice toasty marshmallowy goodness with Roman last night. Man. I love TMG. And fall. And Roman.


"I" went to see Sigur Ros tonight. In the form of a piece of paper. At least, I hope. Jaryd and Lee both said they would have a picture of me and Kyra on a stick and pretend it was us. That way we were there.

whammy

So... things are cool. What is there to say?

I made the best cd of all time for Kevin. I'm proud of that. Hopefully he likes it because, man, those are some good tunes. And I burned Plans for Becky. So, like, I like how advisory today was Becky, Jaryd, Kevin and me all listening to the same songs on two different sets of headphones and we were only off by a second or two.

In seventh hour Kayla and Doug started talking about what they were doing after high school. I joined in the conversation. Basically, I don't have too much of an idea. So I said I didn't know, then turned around, then a minute later said "No wait! Know what I've always wanted to be? The crazy aunt. Or the crazy neighbor lady. Or you know like your friend's mom who when you go over to their house you're always like... what the poop is wrong with her? I want to be that." Doug said I'll be like Kramer when I'm older. They said I could be in independent films. I'm going to make a movie about mashed potatoes. They said some other things too but I wandered off and made a bracelet out of yarn.

I was at layout for newspaper today for about five hours. And guess what I did. Pretty much nothing! But shh. I pretended to be busy the whole time. I made a box and slapped one page together, and that's basically it.

Next week's homecoming week, and I wasn't planning on dressing up because that's too much work and I'm not really into it. BUT at layout tonight, Elaina and I decided we were going to dress up for celebrity day. And man it's gonna be sweet. Just you wait...

celery

I never really update, do I? At least not as often as I used to. Sorry about that.

So I haven't really mentioned school at all. It's not too shabby really. I'm not about to get stressed over it like I did last year. I mean my classes are way easier and I don't have swim to get in the way anymore. It's working out nicely.

I keep getting compliments on my work in photography and newspaper. I mean, photography, every day someone says "That's really cool" or something to that effect and I dig it. I'm way ahead on my project and everyone asks me how to do stuff so I feel important. In newspaper today I got "Were your ears ringing yesterday? Because we were all talking about how good your articles are." And those are the two classes where you can really take pride in compliments, you know? Because it's not like if someone said "Hey, good job on that histogram" I'd really even care. Or like "You're really good at conjugating verbs in the preterite." Who cares?

And I'm liking Advanced Photo a lot. Basically we already know what all of our assignments are, so we can do them whenever. And class time is pretty much.. sit in the back and do nothing time. Or use the darkroom. But mostly I just listen to some tunes and do homework for other classes. Today I went into the Art Metals classroom and melted wax while I talked to Tyler and Lee. Tyler and I branded our knuckles to show our manliness. Meh-heh-heh.

So what has been going on? Let's see...

Last week I bought the coolest dress to end all dresses, at Promenade. Kyra and I were shopping downtown (we were walking downtown yeah-eah-eah) and I hit the jackpot. Best dress ever. No lie. I mean, I'm not a dress person, and I dig it. I just need an excuse to wear it now. Like a tea party.. or.. when do people even wear dresses?

Oh, so I work now. At Osco right alongside Kayleigh, which is fun. It's weird when someone says "What did you do yesterday?" and I tell them I worked. Or "Let's hang out tomorrow" and I have to say I'm working.

Which reminds me, since I work on Friday, that means no Sigur Ros for me. I couldn't go even if I'd wanted to (and I did). Maybe I'll go to Corpse Bride after I get done and pretend that it's anywhere near as sweet as seeing Sigur Ros. Yeah. Right.

OH! And talk of the weekend reminds me that there's been talk of starting the "Bitchin' Parties" back up sometime soon. Do you know how awesome that'd be? Answer: Very. And if not BP's we at least need massive park hangouts like the good ol' days.

And on that note.. I'm out. Goodnight.








P.S. Lately I'm realizing just how much I love everyone.

perspective

Everything that was bothering me today is really, really insignificant now.

S
o
r
r
y.

do you know we're in high demand?

So K.Bot and I, we have hung out every Saturday for the past five. Adventures each time. The thing is though, we're both mega indecisive. So it's like.. we always just do whatever. And somehow always get yelled to by some weirdo guy.

Like once we were walking downtown around 9 or 10 and this guy, I don't know, I guess thought we were whores. He told us he had five dollars.

And today some guy in the mall, after we walked by, said "Did you see those hot girls? The one in the yellow?"

So.. weird.

But I wonder if I knew the guy. Cause I was wearing yellow and I don't know what kind of stranger would call me hot. You know. What kind of person would, unless it was a friend of mine who was being funny.

So.. weird.

But anyway Tim and I walked all over Ian and Kyra/Ally tonight in Brothers in Arms. But I just thought you should know. They lost horribly. They practically cried.

And Ian brought up pet names and how he would hate being called Sweetums or Teddy Bear so I was trying to think of some good ones. We decided Barfbag would be a good pet name. And Fishstick. But Honeypie? What even is that?



Oh, P.S. My brother is 18 as of midnight. I texted him saying "GO SHAWTAY! IT'S YO' BIRFDAY!" But he didn't even understand it. Man. What a lame-o.

important things that happened today:

Amanda and I said "Go-Cart" at the exact same time.

I ran through some sprinklers.

I was hired at Osco.

I was late to school.

I found a feather.

peep this

Say the word "thanks". I mean to yourself. Right now. Like over and over and over and over. I've been saying thanks a lot lately (to people, not myself). But I noticed.. I really like the "-nks" of it. I dig it.

nks

nks

nks

Tom Hanks

planks

cranks

tanks

your friends pooped on your car

I don't even have anything to say. I just wanted to use that title.

perkins jerkins

Will they ever fix the sign at Perkins? I hope not. I like it better when it's Jerkins. And I dig their apple pie like I have never dug a pie before. And it's so much better when you have a table of seven people all eating the pie, no plates involved.

Let's hear if it for apple pie.

And let's hear it for drug tests. As if peeing in a cup was not awkward enough, I had to hand it to the guy. Someting about that just felt.. a little too.. personal?

How about a round of applause to me for finally getting a job? Well, I guess I'm not actually hired yet. But should be soon.

Oh, and let's get excited for advanced photography. Let's do it. Because I already have all of my assignments for the semester, film and paper, basically everything I need and I'm nothing short of pumped. I'll probably start taking pictures tomorrow even. And I probably would love company. That could be you.

But let's give a long low "boo" to people who don't take the time to MEET ME before they decide what they think about me. I mean, I don't know, maybe I'm imagining it.. but it seems like it happens to me way more than anyone else. I've had many-a-friend tell me things like "Before I knew you, I always thought you were a huge bitch." and things along that line. Then Roman told me today how people (more than one) have asked her lately what I'm like, because I guess I'm quiet. And the one kid who she could remember, she said he asked "What is she like? Is she snotty?" (or something like that). Like, dude, I'm not so bad a person. Come up to me and say hello. I won't tear your face off, I swear. I'm not like.. unfriendly. I'm shy around people sometimes, and maybe even a loner some of the time, that doesn't mean I'm too good for people. Sheesh Louise.

I would LOVE to talk to you.

gas is up.....

I've had a fantastic day. You don't believe me, do you? I mean, with school and everything.. no one really wanted to go to school, but I'll be the first to admit I was a little excited.

Ally picked me up and on our way to Dunkin' Donuts we noticed there were leaves falling from the trees. It just shows how very close autumn is and that is mighty mighty sweet. We were listening to the new Death Cab CD because it's sooooo gooooood, and I told Ally how..

The song "Someday You Will Be Loved" always gets me. The part that goes "You'll be loved like you never have known, and the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams" makes me freakin' sad, to tell you the truth. But then it goes on to say "A series of blurs, like I never occurred" And every time I hear blurs in the song, I think blurds and just basically start cracking up. So my sadness doesn't last too long. Now I bet you can't hear that song without thinking blurds. I'm sorry to ruin it for you. It's a nice song. Now all you'll think about is poop, mwaha.

So, anyway, we went to Dunkin' Donuts.. and the sign, simply amazed me.
Bahaha. I just thought, what if everyone was always complainging about donut prices going up? "It's up to 2.90 a donut. I swear I'm just going to start eating bagels if it goes any higher."

We ate.

I got this coffee. I was all about it, until, a few sips into it, I realized it was just as disgusting as any other kind of coffee. It was Marshmallow Iced Coffee. What part of that does not sound delicious? Oh yeah.. the coffee part.

And then.. to school.. as upperclassmen (weird). All day I was saying how GREAT school was and how GREAT it was to be there, how PUMPED I was, and I don't think anyone knew if I was sarcastic or not. It was not too shabby at all.

Yeah, so school was alright. And then I had an interview. And, like, pretty much have a job I think. So that's good.

Tomorrow = Friday = weekend = sweet.

EXCEPT

I can't drive for a week.. because I may or may not have dented the car a few weeks back. Yikes. But I swear I'm a good driver.

sidenote

Did I mention that my brother is a senior this year? It makes me sad, BUT we have first hour together. And that.. is flyyyy.

we shed what was left of our summer skin

I don't know what to say or where to start. Right now, I don't know what I'm going to write about, but I feel like I should say something because I haven't written in here for a while. I've had this blog for a year now. Crazy, eh? Time flies. It really does. But I've noticed that history's been repeating itself in my life. I get superstitious about it actually. Like, last year, around this time I started to get depressed I guess you could say, I got sick, and didn't get better until February when I had my tonsils taken out. Around this time, I stopped talking to Ally so much. I don't even know if you would've called us friends. Funny thing is, blogs brought us back together (I guess we were too weak to actually talk to each other in person). Basically, last year, school was horrible. I can honestly say it was the worst year of my life school-wise. But then, I had some really really great and memorable times too, new friends, that stuff. Roman says we were fun when we were miserable. I'm actually excited for school to start (tomorrow) because I know it can't be any worse than last year. I know my classes should be a lot easier. I'm an upperclassmen, that'll be nice, I think. And I'm honestly not too bummed that summer is over. I mean, it was great. Well it was great even though I was sad for quite a bit of it. But I've learned, I've changed. I feel like it's pointless to say when I've changed because I'm ever-changing. We all are. At least I hope. I'm always trying to better myself and learn new things. Each time you see me it's like I'm new and improved. I hope. I'm just feeling really really great lately. For a while, nothing made sense and I was sad for no reason or emotionless and numb and I hated it, but now everything is making sense and laying itself out and I'm just feeling perfect. Not perfect, but close. Summer does that. Realizations on top of realizations, I guess.

I'm sorry that doesn't make sense. That's just how everything came out.

I'll try to make this simple though.
Thank you, Ally, Roman, Zach, Ian, Jon, for making summer what it was. You guys go down as "awesome" in my book. For ever and then some.

dear blog,

I don't know what to tell you. You're boring. I'm not going to leave you or anything, but I just don't know what to write lately. So, if I don't write for a while, I'm sorry. But I will come back to you, because I love you.

Straight Up,
Carly

sweetheart, you'll find mediocre people do exceptional things all the time

I realize I haven't "blogged" in about a week, and that's pretty crazy, for me anyway.
I'm having trouble remembering what happened last week, but let's see...

In no order:

I lifeguarded.

I met a girl who said she could communicate with animals, and that she stabbed her grandma's fish because it called her stupid.

I got shot in the leg (with a BB gun but it still hurt pretty bad).

I got in an intense tennis raquet fight with Sir Hetzel. I'd tell you who won, but I guess you'll have to look at the pictures and figure it out for yourself.

Roman and I went into school and ran around the halls, M:I style. When we drove away we felt like we'd just committed a crime. I don't know if we were supposed to be in there or not, I mean the door was open.

I played in a trailer park during the tornado.

I got croquet-ed to death by Kristin for a movie.

One of my friends had her heart smashed and it killed me to know she was sad and kills me to know she still is.

Last night Matt had his Going Away Party because he's leaving for France for this school year.

This week I tried not to spend any money. I ended up spending only about $10. And I had to, because I had to get sympathy RBF's for Roman.

And yeah. Other stuff. I don't know what's going on. School starts soon. Registration's tomorrow. Eeep!


I had this dream the other night. It lasted about 20 seconds. I was standing in my bathroom, and the sink was overflowing with shoes. I was digging through them looking for a certain pair, then something clicked in my head and I changed my mind about something. And I woke up. And when I tried to open my door, someone had piled a bunch of shoes right in front of it.......

Tell me what that means..

Cause it's gotta mean something.

I mean.. I don't know if you get it or not. I dreamed about a bunch of shoes. And when I woke up, there were all these shoes blocking my door. What is that?!?!?

"didn't you hear? he's scene now"

Basically, yesterday was full of adventures.

And I don't feel like typing.

But let me just say, I like being the type of person who can just... do whatever. Not have plans. And still have a good time. I hate when people need to have a something set to do. Spontaneity is the way to go. Pulling over to chase raccoons- also the way to go.

the world doesn't matter

What is it about rain that I love so much? There's a nice storm right now. I just spent the past fifteen minutes just standing in it. Just me. Singing. And I don't know what it is.. I mean I wouldn't usually go out in the middle of the night just to sing, but when it's raining, it's different. And I'm soaked but I really don't care one bit. I'm wrapped up in a blanket, soaked. What is this? Why am I so happy right now? I couldn't tell you. But I'm just, exactly, happy.

summa-summa-summa funnn

We were saying "Aarrrrgh"

We were pirates

... in a dragon

a sponge never has a bad day

Less than a month 'til summer's over? That's horrible, my friends. But, check it, I'm going to enjoy it to the fullest. Because I want to look back on this summer and think of it as ultra-sweet, if that's alright with you. Big plans. Big plans. Remember what I said about making that list? Well I'm so gonna do it. A list full of awesomeness, if you will. And by next month everything will be checked off. You better believe it.

So, let's talk about my dreams. Am I the only person who digs on telling everyone about their dreams? I don't know. It's just how I roll I guess. Especially when I have a dream where I steal a friend's car just to crash into another friend's car, and hide and drink tea in the backyard of some old lady while I look at her baseball card collection. Besides that one, and two others, I've been having the same dream virtually every night for a little over a week. It's not exactly the same each time but the feeling is. And I want to know what it means.......

i've got a headache like a volcano*

Why do I keep changing my mind?
Because I can
.... (I guess).


*That doesn't make sense, does it?

i can feel the beat

feel the beat
feel the beat
feel the beat
feel the beat
feel the beat
feel the beat
feel the beat
feel the beat
feel the beat
feel the beat
feel the beat
feel the beat
feel the beat
feel the beat
feel the beat
feel the beat

et cetera

choking on a cornflake

I just spent the past half hour or so driving around.. I don't even know where. Roman had to be home way before I did, so I had time to waste but nothing to do. Bopbopbop. I drove around, singing, and it was nice.

So after a ten day road trip, Roman's finally home! Whoop-de-doo! Tonight we got the usual RBF's and visited Ally, and caught up on the past ten days. Not too much has happened to be honest.

I feel like I'm boring people by talking about the same thing all the time lately. But I can't stop thinking about the same thing. So there.

After A and Dub we made our way over to the hardcore swings. Ally met up with us when she got off of work. The three of us just sat and talked. That's what the hardcore swings are for. I'm covered in sand and it's pretty awesome.

Know how your hands feel weird after touching sand? Man, I hate that. I dont' know why I just said it was awesome.

Ally mentioned that school starts in a little over a month. I've got some stuff I want, maybe even need, to do before summer ends. Like paddleboats? Roman and I are planning on taking one of those duck shaped paddleboats for a spin one of these days. Maybe we'll even wear sailor suits just for the occasion. Who knows? But it'll be great.

I just have a lot of little stuff I want to do like that. Maybe I should make a list or something. Then I can check stuff off. I don't know, I've never made a list before. But Bray Road'll be on this list. You can bet your sweet bippy on that.

I want to go ice skating. But that's not really a summer thing. I just want to do it. Now, or later, but sometime.

So, I was thinking, does anyone listen to Belle & Sebastian? I do. And I don't know if anyone else does. Just wondering.

I like ribs. I like ribs a lot.

starfish

I just realized my pants weren't zipped.
And yesterday, I wore one of my shirts backwards all day.. even after I noticed it was backwards.
I should hire someone to dress me. At least I don't forget pants.

So I'm updating just for Adam. He told me to, and I said "Yes, sir."

Just so you know, the dollar store is where it's at. If anyone's ever told you differently, they were dead wrong. Dead. Wrong. Elaina and I bought two DVDs for two dollars today! And these were high-quality flicks. Cheap versions of the Little Mermaid and Aladdin, plus some ridiculousness. We watched the films at Adam's house, and, man, they were fantastic. Worth every penny.

I got earrings the size of Manhattan (which is big for earrings).

So I've been going wherever lately, without having to call home, and without getting the "be home at _____!" It's pretty nice.

I drove all over yesterday. Kayleigh lives in the solar system. On Saturn, actually. I drove all the way to Saturn. That's like three planets away!

Wanna know something? I just had to look up how many planets away it was.

I want to start waking up early. I don't really have a reason to, but infomercials could be my reason. They're pretty great. Pretty ridiculous too.

I like cereal.

killing people's not my scene

First, let me say that Stella is an excellent show.

And then, let me give "props" to Nick, for making me buy that disc (for me) for him. So far, it's good.

And then.. well I had this whole big thing about people and things that I was going to say, but basically, I can't recall.

I'd just like people to be nice to each other.

And I hate when friends are mad at each other. I mean, it's totally understandable in this situation but like, why can't we all just be? And be happy?

That was dumb, but seriously.......

Remember how I said I was trying to better myself? Well it's hard. Like, I know what I should do. I've got a whole new way of thinking, but I really don't think it shows in my actions.

And I'm realizing how badly I've messed up before. Not things I did, but things I didn't do. Not big things. Well maybe big. I don't know.. Just thrown away opportunities I guess. I don't like having regrets, and I've got one big one.


5
4
3
2
1

dingdingdingCRASH

My back hurts like whoa. Like ultimate whoa.

I love rain. Like, I mean, a lot.

I've been trying to sleep like a normal person, because I don't. I mean, all summer, it's been me going to bed at 4AM and getting up after/around noon. So I'm trying to get a normal sleep sched.. or at least a little more normal than the one I have. I was going to make sure I got up before 10 this morning, but that didn't happen.

I slept in my clothes last night. Now my back hurts. I don't know how jeans can make my back hurt but maybe that's it.

I used to think that every time there was a big storm, that something big would happen to me. But then lately it's been storming a lot and something big doesn't always happen. Maybe it's only some storms. Or maybe none. But maybe some, and it's definitely this one.

I feel better now.

Man, I love rain.

So much.

yo!

i want to feel electric

my leg is twitching

(true story)

and that's all i have to say, really.

and, p.s.

lonely? moi?

maybe a little.. but i can deal.

bliggity blam

I'm trying to fix myself, or better myself, or, you know, whatever.

Not thinking too much is part of that.
And knowing what I want.
And, I forget what else, but there's more.

So I read this book. This psychoanalysis book I suppose you'd call it. It's about this system of finding out about yourself through the colors you like... which is pretty crazy, but I guess it works because the whole thing seemed to hit me dead-on.

And, apparently, I'm a dreamer, an anchor, and a visionary?

I guess I've got "powers" too. Whaddya know?

Okay, so it probably sounds lame, but this book is intense stuff. I mean, it's mostly accurate. And I like it because I've been wondering lately why I am the way I am and why I do the things I do.

<><><><><>

But anywayayayay...

Things have been going pretty well. Wonderful actually. Like, I'm feeling better now than I have all summer.

But.. there's something I want, that I know I probably can't have, but I like to tell myself it'll happen.. even though, realistically, there are tons of reasons why it won't. Or maybe it will? We'llseewe'llseewe'llsee.

P.S. That book also said my thoughts aren't realistic.

i'm trying not to think too much...

..because that's how i (want to) roll

these cucumber eyes

Ally and I had a "universe talk" last night. In other words, we talked about pretty much everything, but- interestingly enough- not the universe. Oh well.

She asked if I believe in fate or coincidence, and I thought both. But I guess she meant coincidence, as in: things aren't happening for a reason, they just happen because they do. Or something.

I guess I like to tie everything together. I like to think everything happens for a reason. I like to make sense of things that maybe make no sense at all. It makes me feel more secure, I guess, to think that everything has a purpose.

And I always feel much better about my life when I look at it from someone else's view.



So, uhhh.. news?
Zach and I are no longer Zach and I.
I can't say I didn't see it coming, or at least see something coming.
And I guess I'm alright with just being friends. I mean, hopefully this time we actually will be friends.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sad, but I haven't been too happy lately anyway, so it's no big change.

Sorry for being awkward.

mini disc? mega awesome!

Have I ever mentioned that waffles make me tired?
Is that normal?

Wanna know what's crazy? Zach, or Ian, or Ally, or someone, mentioned the other day that at any given time, at least two of us are together. And it's true. We're together a lot of the time. And that, my friends, is crazy. Cause it means I haven't been seeing too much of anyone else lately.

Like, today, I hung with Amanda and Clara for basically the second time all summer. Allie with an I-E from Madison was also there. We all just hung out I suppose, because that's what you do when it's raining and it's summer anyway.

I need to scrape together $50, but all I have is ones, and I kind of doubt I have fifty of them. We'll see though. I need a job like whoa.

spinoccoli

You know, it felt good to come clean about this thing, even though three years have passed since I told the lie.

And it felt.. alright... to finally tell someone what happened months ago.

Ally and I had a nice talk in Ian's backyard tonight, ending in a pinky swear to always tell each other everything.

B.F.F. foo'!

riding in your stride

Buying two right shoes in two different sizes does not make me stupid.. right? I mean, at least I realized before I left the parking lot.. right?

Blahaha.

So tonight = late night swim sesh at Ally's, I believe. Until then I don't know what's up. I'm eating a grilled cheese and drinking some root brew right now though.

Speaking of root beer, did you know Zach and Ally don't like it?
Someone, tell me, honestly.. what are their deals?

i was a statuette

I wonder if people think I've changed since they've met me.
And I wonder if they think I've changed for the better or worse.
I don't think I'd recognize myself a year ago, but I don't know if just my looks changed.. or if the way I act changed too.

about last night....

keep rippin' brohan

Yesterday? Pretty eventful, I'd say.

Started off with a funeral. For a mole. Sad times for Ian and Zach (Melvin the mole's "uncles"). Ally and I showed our sympathy with a card and some flowers. The card, we customized with a bit of heartfelt poetry, that read:

"You found him on a sidewalk crack
His face made your heart go pitter-pat
You brought him home
And made him your own
....but then he died."

The "uncles" decided to hold the funeral after that, in Ian's backyard, complete with poetry (read by myself and Ian), a hole (dug by Zach), and a mandolin (played by Ally). It was touching, I must say.


And later? Ally, Roman, and I made our way to Mee-lee-wah-kay, to Summerfest, to see Death Cab. Bottom line: pretty incredible. It's crazy thinking, you know, Ben Gibbard's right there singing the same words I am.. Basically we're the same person right now, except that we're not. Anyway, for a while I was worried that we wouldn't find and meet up with Zach, Ian, and Kayleigh, because they ended up leaving late and yadda yadda yadda, but we did. And from then on, pretty much fantastic. I'm glad that I was there with Zach. I'm a lucky girl.

i cannot help from smilin'

DCFC tomorrow.

I'm so excited, I might explode.

But really, I might explode

And if I do I'd say it's worth it, wouldn't you?

"maybe i've always been caught not paying attention when i should have, and blinking too much in between"

I'm up. Why? I don't know. I was tired a few hours ago but somehow I forgot I was going to bed. The next thing I know it's now. I finished this book I just started yesterday. Sterile Cuckoo? Anyone? I've been reading lately instead of thinking/worrying/whatever. It's good. I think.

Let's review real quick a few insanely awesome (and by that I mean the opposite) things that have happened in the past couple days.

• $40 vanished (I'm not going to say stolen, because, you know, it really could have just vanished and I think that's more fun than stolen anyday) from my purse last night.
• I fainted for the first time in months. Dentist office. Maybe back in January it wouldn't have been any big deal, but the thing is, I've gone for five months without fainting, without getting lightheaded, and it was a pretty sweet five months let me tell you. I thought I was back to normal but I guess not. And that sucks. It really does. Because now I'm going to start worrying about every kind of anything appt (doctor, dentist, ortho) and maybe I'll start taking caffeine pills before I go again and then I'll get addicted to caffeine and diediedie. But not really. Not at all. Basically, the fainting thing is just no fun.

So yeah. I guess there were really only two things. And, honestly? They both make me laugh a little. If those are the worst two things in my life then I'd say I have a pretty nice life.

what's cooler than a juicebox?

pretty much nothing.

say anything, but say what you mean

It was cold enough tonight that I got to wear my supersweet new jacket. Jigga what?

And I hooked this awesome scarf from Ian, so it's too bad it's summer.


I don't know what's going on. There's no bread in my house and I haven't felt like writing for the past few weeks. Not that those two things have anything to do with each other, but whatev..


Wanna know something? I hatehatehate when people lie. I hatehatehate ulterior motives. I hate myself when I'm not myself, so I don't see how you can do it.


But I like candy.



And.. wanna know another something? I miss Zach.

:(

So I've been thinking for a few hours that a PB+J would be mighty nice.

I finally got around to making one, and... guess what was green?

The bread!
Whaa.
Now I'm hungry AND sad.



Last week I had a dream that I was in prison.

dis sho am good

For the past week I was in Missouri and, you know what? It wasn't really that bad. Pretty alright I'd say.

Two years ago when I went to Missouri I got a monster sunburn and that was negative fun. I only got tan this time.

And last year when I went to Missouri I did something that wasn't too cool.. and I didn't do that again.. and that's good.

What did I do? Hmmm.. well it was a family reunion, so I guess I reuned. I (kind of) learned how to play euchre and (didn't really) learn how to water-ski (but I tried).

And when we got home report cards were here, and that pretty much sucks because my grades, well, pretty much suck.. again. No one's yelled at me about them yet so maybe I'm okay. I can't be too sure though.

So yeah I'm glad I'm home. Did I mention Missouri was above 90 degrees EVERY DAY and I wore shorts? Yeah. Weird. I know.

work is for old people.... part two

So those apps I picked up almost a month ago? Still haven't turned them in. Actually I kind of forgot about them, and, more than that, I just don't really want a job now that I think about it. Having money would be fine with me of course, but I don't know about the actual working part. Oh well. I guess I don't really have a choice.

So tomorrow, I'm turning them in.

Blah.

awww yeeah

Ally- "What's so bad about driving without shoes on?"

Me- "What do you mean?"

Ally- "Well aren't there laws against it?"

Me- "Uhh.. no. That's like having laws against driving while wearing a hat."

You've got to admit that's a ridiculous law if it exists.

////


I bought this mega sweet picnic basket/suitcase for 50 cents today. Ally and I also tried to get this microwave for $3 for Ian but it ended up not even working. Lame! So because of the basket deal, we decided to have a picnic.. a taco picnic al parque around 9. It was Ian, Ally, Zach and I and was pretty much the coolest taco picnic in the history of taco picnics.

And then we saw the world's largest grindfest. Sick.

So how about my birthday ends in three minutes. I'd have to say it was pretty alright. Insanely mediocre. Seriously, really, okay. Actually it was faaaantastic.

you've grown up really crazy

Good mood. Good mood.

I'm the big 1-6. (As of 11:30 this morning, if you want to get technical.)

I have a license, which has already proven itself to be more than sweet.

And
I'm
Just
Happy.


...And hungry. I kinda forgot to eat.


P.S. My sister looks like Hitler. That's right, I said it.

do you want to fall apart?.. no.

Basically.. these past few days have been not-great. I don't really know why but I just wasn't in a good mood. I know I probably wasn't any fun to be around either, and that's not cool by any means. But I'll just pretend it didn't happen (after I apologize to people I may have been not-so-cool to), because I feel much better now.

So, so, so...

Elaina gave me a birthday present today. Basically the best b-day gift I've received all year. I mean, it's true it's the only one.. but that doesn't change the fact that it is indeed the sweetest.

I've got this intense temp tatt of a kid walking a dog under a giant flower on my forearm. Can you say "intimidation"?? (If not, you should probably learn). I = tough. And I didn't shed a single tear when I was getting inked.

my secret?

When everything's going so well, I just think something's bound to ruin it all.
But I guess I can worry when it happens.
Right now, I'm happy.
Completely.

(...I think)

living = easy

The first day of summer... was pretty much great. Actually, everything's pretty much great right now. And, you know what? That's great. Mhmm.



Know what I'll do before I go to bed?
Turn off my alarm clocks.
And I won't turn them back on......
...for three whole months.
Yesssssssssssssssss.

'on the real'

today i had my first swim of the year. for serious. it was nice. for serious. except for the part when i hit my face on the bottom of the pool. that wasn't too fun. oh well.

school ends tomorrow.
life is good starting tomorrow.
yessssss.

p.s. i <3 shortpants 4 life.

/

Al was just at my house for five hours. We were working on our CAT reviews which were the absolute worst. It got really really boring really really fast.

But anyway, we were talking about all the coincidences of our lives. I don't know if there is more coincidence in my life than most people's, or if I'm just more aware of it.

Sometimes something will happen that pretty much happened exactly a year before. The situations are usually the same but usually with different people. Maybe things like this happen all the time to everyone, but I only notice because I like to read my old journals.

Last Sunday and that date last year were really similar. I could go into more detail but I'd rather just be vague about it. Let me just say I found it pretty insane.

Irony. Coincidence. I like these things.

i'm on fire

I can't breathe through my nose.

Follies was tonight and it was a fun time I'd have to say. It was the first time I was ever really onstage and, honestly, I didn't get nervous, which kinda surprised me.

First I was in a filler. Basically, Caitlin, Kyra, and I sat onstage and ate Honey Smacks... and stuck them to each other. Obviously we just kinda pulled this filler out of our butts yesterday but I guess it worked because people were laughing.. I guess.

Much much much later was my skit, "the Love-ahs". I was worried that no one would be able to hear me because I'm not good at being loud. Not good at all. But I think for the most part I was alright.

People have been telling me I did a good job, so I guess I'll believe them.

Now tonight I'd like to sleep and just not wake up 'til maybe five in the afternoon. I am dead tired. Yesterday I woke up early to use the darkroom before school, then I was at school for 14 hours straight. Today I had a drive time at 6:30 but didn't even wake up 'til 6:23. I was at school all day after that except for an hour here/there. This whole week's been pretty crazy/busy and I'm pretty sick and pretty much beat and really extremely tired.

And I still can't breathe through my nose.

things will change, and i can't afford to wait

I keep telling myself that in three weeks everything will be different, and it's true. (Not that I'm not happy with the way things are now). By then, school will be over (no more stress). I'll be old enough to drive and have a little more freedom. I might even have a job. There are other things that I could mention, but I don't want to jynx anything. I just think that three weeks from now I could be completely happy with every part of my life. I suppose there's a chance of every single thing going wrong from now 'til then, but let's hope not.

/Fingers crossed/

blah blah blah and live without it

That'd be cool if I knew a lot about the planets and jive. Then I could tell if they are aligned, and if the planets being aligned even means anything. Roman and I are pretty much convinced that something's going on. This much good doesn't (usually) come out of nowhere, all of a sudden, for no reason. There must be something bigger involved- karma or I don't know what.

I've kinda got my fingers crossed, though... hoping it'll last/happen/last.



P.S. Ally works at a law firm now. She's probably going to make tons of old sophisticated lawyer friends and discuss the stock market with them over mocha frappucinos. They'll play tennis on the weekends and she'll start wearing pastel polos with sweaters tied around her neck. We'll know it's true when she starts spending all of her time at yacht clubs. (So maybe it won't happen.. but wouldn't that be great?)

what do you do?

I went around "jobhunting" today. Well it wasn't really a hunt. I got like four applications- enough to make my mom happy. She's been hassling me lately about getting a job for the summer. The thing is, I'm still fifteen, and you have to be sixteen to work pretty much anywhere good. That means I have to wait three weeks before I even turn in the apps. I don't know why I'm supposed to be in such a rush. Whatev. I'm not complaining.

I feel kinda dumb though filling these out. I don't have any previous experience. I don't have any skills. I thought about writing "Special Skills: being supercool" but I don't know if they'd believe me. It's true though. Ask anyone.

i wonder..

.. how many times I've written my name in my life.
.. how many pennies I've kissed.
.. how many steps I take every day.
.. what word I say the most.


(Because I don't have anything else to do.)

i'll poke it twice as hard, for both of us

I'm about to leave school today when I smell burning hair. Look to my right, and one of the many crazies who shares a locker next to mine just had burning hair. No joke. On fire. Her hair. They set it aflame! ..I don't get it. Why? Why was her hair on fire? And why did it have to be a foot away from me? Oh, I know why. It's because they're crazy. And now the smell of singed hair is stuck in my nose.

Another bad smell? Dead animal. Each day this week we're disecting a different "critter" in bio. Yesterday was squid day, and man I massacred that thing. You'd think I would be a little hesitant, but no. Not at all. I actually thought I'd get sick and/or faint, but I guess I'm over my weak phase, 'cause I went to town on that thing.. whatever that means.. hopefully it doesn't mean anything gross. Today we did an earthworm (lame). Yet to go: frog, perch, rat. Sick!

Honestly nothing big's going on right now. I'm not complaining at all, though. I guess I'm not allowed to go out on school days/nights anymore, so Sunday-Thursday I just go to school and come home (which is why I have nothing better to talk about). It makes the week seem slower. And, when I don't have anything better to do, I just sleep. I sleep way too much.


P.S. I used a payphone yesterday. It was pretty incredible.

,

Just got word that the r.r.p.d. thing didn't happen...


Too bad.

the way things go..

I slept for eleven hours straight last night.

Guess what I'm doing right now...
Burning CDs, and lots of 'em. Amanda, Clara and I had our little impromptu burn party today at Amanda's hizzy. The thing is, I could only stay for a little over an hour so we just filled two discs with MP3 files, and now I'm burning CDs from that. It's nice. I've done eleven so far and there's more to go.

I wonder where I'd be without the little scrolly thing in the middle of my mouse.

So tonight Ally and I went to the Shaw's house- who we didn't know- for a bonfire. Zach, Jon, Nate and Ian were there too. Pretty much I sat and listened to them tell stories for an hour or two. Funny stuff. I maybe said ten sentences the entire time, because seriously there was no breakage in the storytelling. Not a bad thing.

Back to burning.

cool kids.. they belong together

The show was a fun time. There were tons of people that I hadn't seen for a long while, and tons that I just didn't expect to see. Lots and lots of people. And ice cream! Yesssss.

The weirdest thing happened though. Well maybe not THE weirdest thing, but definitely A weird thing. I felt a little.. I think deja vu? I felt like everything had happened before and I knew what was going to happen next, but I didn't. I don't really know. Then I got extremely lightheaded, and then dizzy. The whole thing only lasted maybe ten seconds, but it was just a bunch of odd feelings rolled into one.

r.r.p.d.

For months, _____ and I have had this perfect scene in our minds. Like a movie ending. We know the people, the lines, everything, and it's going to happen. If Saturday night is rainy, it's going to happen. I can't wait to see if it is.

waiting for a sign

"Indifferent" sums up how I feel about everything right this minute. I'm in a middle kind of mood. Rain makes me happy. Staying 40 extra minutes at school because of a tornado does not. Jealousy makes me hate myself. Lies upset me. But everything else is just fine.

a real update, real quick.. how bout it?

So, basically, nothing's been going on. My hair's completely revamped which is pretty cool. There's one month 'til my birthday (to the day) and about three weeks I think 'til school's out. I'm extremely excited, for both. I might get a job this summer but I don't really know. I mean I thought I pretty much HAD a job, but that didn't work out, and I never mentioned it, so I won't now either. I don't know where I'll apply because every place seems like it pretty much sucks.

Today I saw the prettiest color on a guitar, then when I told my brother about it I turned it into a five-minute story about how I picked it up and started playing then someone asked if I was famous because I was so amazing so they wanted my autograph carved into their head and it cost them one million dollars so they had to sell their house and their leg and their first-born son, etc. etc. I could go on, but I won't.

I told you nothing's been going on.



But I found out today that we have to disect four animals in biology :(

lonely? moi?

Maybe.

i want a sandwich

Last night I went to a show at the Pipe, even though the last time I went (September) I swore to never go again, because I thought Pipe shows had pretty much reached their peak of lameness. Well I was pretty much right. I left within the first 20 minutes to take a trip to WallyWorld. But when I came back, I guess I had fun. I guess. Okay, I did. Had some dance battles, lost my voice (the reason I was screaming is kind of a long story). But then at one point some guys started moshing out of nowhere. Bah. I got shoved, hit my ankle on a grindrail, and now it's swollen and purple. Poop.

Did you know Wendy's has free Frosties this weekend? Pretty much the coolest thing ever. I think it's because of that Finger-In-The-Chili incident. People should pull scams like that more often.

le petit mort

So I finished that book I was talking about (Why I Committed Suicide by Sam Paul), and I still haven't decided if I like it or not. I like the way it's written, and every now and then there are some really great parts but sometimes it's like the same thing over and over and it gets old after a while. Well I guess I do like it. I'll probably even end up reading it again just because. And just so you know, it's not entirely depressing and morbid, despite the name.

----

"Sleep is good, but sleeping while we're awake is just blindness."

rollin' on dubs (whatever that means)

I don't like being called "hon" repeatedly by someone I don't know. I don't like being told I don't drive smooth when it's the sticky pedals fault. I don't like answering a stranger's questions about hobbies, interests, school, and life (small talk) when I know they don't really care. I don't like being told what I already know. In other words I really didn't like my drive time today. It was my third, and I had some clown (not a literal clown [duh]) that I'd never even seen before. The kid who drove before me did a pretty bad job I thought, but then I found out the car was a piece. The pedal stuck like a beeee. Well throughout my driving, the instructor kept saying "you're conscientious, but I can tell you haven't had much practice," or "it looks like you pretty much know what you're doing," or "one of these days you'll be a pretty good driver." I know I'm not that bad. I've only been driving for two/three months here, and I fully blame the stupid car for anything I did wrong.

Well I wasn't in a great mood because I was wearing four shirts and it was way too hot for that.

But I do admit I thought it was cool that the instructor "sensed" I was planning on becoming an art major. I like that he could guess that.


This morning at school we had an assembly for history where we listened to Vietnam veterans tell stories. I decided that if there's ever a draft and I'm drafted, I'll be a Conscientus Objector rather than leave the country, in case you wondered.

ain't nobody, got nothin' in my pocket

I'm reading this book right now- on page 290 of 318. I'm still not sure if I really like it or really do not (it's one end or the other, not the middle). But the way it's written is making me think in weird patterns, if you understand what I mean by that. When I write it sounds like the book which is not good really because it's lots of run-on crap that starts to not really make sense at all. Oh well.

So lately I can't stop buying CDs. I think I have maybe $10 to my name because it always goes straight to buying new discs. Three in the past four days? Yes please.

There are only about 20 or something days left of school and that really excites me. A lot. But I currently have two C's and that's not gonna fly so I have to do something to fix that real soon.

hours move to minutes and i'm seconds away

Not much has happened. Time's going by really fast lately and I can't explain why. It's like all week I'm itching for the weekend and when it's here it hardly lasts and barely seems worth anything. I need more of a break than those few days and that won't come until summer. I would say "I can't wait" but, truth is, I can. I'm willing to wait for summer because I know it'll be amazing. I get my license in about a month, and with that comes freedom. I'll have places to go and people to go with to the places I go. Maybe that sentence was weird, but what I mean is I have friends who I'm really looking forward to spending even more time with blahblahblah. I don't want to get sappy so I'm stopping before I even sort of begin to. But I do love my friends and I am really glad I have them. All of them. And, oh yeah, it's 12:20 AM and I really need sleep.

stupid shirt

I saw a shirt that said "I WORE THIS YESTERDAY". Who would buy that? I mean, you could never wear it. You could wear the shirt every day for the rest of your life, but the first time you put it on, it's a lie. You didn't wear it yesterday. There's no way to start wearing it, because the first day you wear it.. you didn't wear it yesterday.

5-5-5, and then a bunch of sixes

Today being Cinco de Mayo, we had one of those dumb 'fiestas' in Spanish where everyone makes 'authentic' Mexican food that is guaranteed to taste like poop. During class, I looked over at this kid across the room because I couldn't tell what he was eating. Turns out it was guacamole. He was eating the guac straight-up. Shoveling it into his mouth like it was pudding. Ohhh man. And I've gotta wonder how badly his breath stinks, because I would believe you 100% if you told me this kid has never seen a toothbrush in his life. I'm not trying to trash anyone or anything.. but gaaaah. Gross.

Guacamole's the worst.

"her mouth agape with a mixture of pleasure, longing, and duck meat"

My friends are cooler than yours. Actually, they're probably not. Maybe not even close. But answer me this: Do you spend your lunch period eating Taco Bell and playing with a TalkBoy? Odds are you don't, and you're jealous of myself, Ally, Ashley, and Liz because we do. It's a good time. Believe me.

But today I accidentally recorded over-

Tim: "Born and raised in Massachusetts! I had seven brothers and two sisters. My dad killed the sisters, so it was just me and the brothers. We went to a boys' school!" etc, etc. It sounded a lot funnier than it looks.

Guess what!
I got my script for Follies today. Yeah, I never mentioned that I tried out a few weeks ago, and I am in Jessica's skit as the Lover. If you've ever seen on SNL the old couple who talk about love-ahs and ham.. well, my friends, that is this. And I'm the Lover. Yessssss.

ring-a ding-ding

Did you know that May 2nd is/was the annual Carly Gets Sad And Nostalgic Over People She Misses and Listens to Sad and Nostalgic Music and Thinks of Them night? Well apparently it is, because that's how I was last night. And I wrote and wrote and thought and missed. And then I thought, well I have nothing better to do, I'll read old journals.. sounds like a plan. And it turns out the on May 2nd last year I did pretty much the same thing.

Coincidence?

I think not...


But anyway, how are people? I'm good mostly. I am grounded for a week as of Sunday, not exactly sure why. The joys of being fiveteen I guess[I forgot how to spell 'fifteen' today and wrote 'fiveteen'. but it looks right, doesn't it?].

But in less than a month and a half I'll be the big 1-6, and I'll be taking my road test that same day, and I'll get my license, and everyone will use me for rides, and it'll make me sad, so I'll threaten to take them to a dirt road in the middle of nowhere and make them walk home, and then they'll never use me again. I can't wait!