shooting stars and satellites

So this whole weekend (being Saturday and this morning) has been one giant driving... I'll use the word extravaganza. Driving Extravaganza. Perfect.

Yesterday, I didn't get up til maybe noon or one. Didn't get dressed til 5. And at 6 Roman and I decided we'd do something to waste time until we had to be at Mile's at 8. So we drove around, trying to think of something to do. We called Tyler to see what he was up to, then we decided we'd go to his house. Well apparently he lives on the other side of the world... practically. PLUS he doesn't know how to give directions, which is fine I guess because we don't know how to follow them. Well it took us a whole hour to get there. We kept getting lost and cell phones kept dying and it was horrible. We ended up having to wait for Tyler to come get us and show us how to get there. And then when we got to his hizzouse we played with horses and marshmallows and blankets. We got to Mile's house more than an hour later than we were supposed to, but I think it was alright.

By the time the three of us went out and got food and were back (11) Mile's dad was a little.. 'tipsy' and decided he'd give us money and have us wash the car and the van. Roman Mile and I got in the car and got a few blocks away and then BAM chinese fire drill. I got to drive! So I don't have my liscense, and I don't know how to do anything, and have only driven twice before for maybe 3 minutes each. It's safe to say that Roman was freaking out, while Mile was just laughing, and they thought it was hilarious that I took myself so seriously when I was swerving, running stop signs, and hitting mailboxes all over the place. Every time a car passed me I'd bite my bottom lip, thinking somehow that would hide the fact that I was only 15 and a horrible driver, or maybe I just did it so I wouldn't laugh and crash. So anyway, washing a car takes about 5 minutes.. but Washing car+ Carly's joy ride+ washing van+Carly's 2nd joy ride+ Mile's "driving"(she's worse than me)= 2 hours.

When we woke up this morning we decided to go to IHOP. Roman didn't know how to get there, even though she drove over that way a few days ago with me. So Mile gave her directions and somehow we ended up on the interstate going the wrong way. Roman was about to lose control I think, but we figured it out eventually. I sort of think Mile tried to get us lost.. because while it's not exactly fun, it's pretty entertaining to watch Roman panic (mwaha).

In other words, I wouldn't be surprised if, after this weekend, Roman never wanted to be in a vehicle with me ever again.

bottom line: stop copying me

"imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."
what they didn't take
into account
was the possibility
of a friend,
turned enemy,
turned stalker,
claiming your identity.
sorry, that was a bit out of line.
or was it?
what's out of line is you,
or 'me', shall I say?
It's hard to tell the difference lately.

Have you ever had a relationship end up in a way that you didn't expect? Didn't want or wish for? So have I.. many of them. I often think of what I want to happen, but don't act in a way that will make that happen. I'll see a friendship fading, and I'll be disappointed. What I don't think of though is that there's still time to make it right. You're in as much control of what happens to this relationship as the other person.
----
he asked if you were alright
you said you're just so tired
we're all tired these days
blame it on a simple lack of oxygen
but you were motionless for so long,
pronounced 'Legally Furniture'
are you sure that you're sure?
you haven't been saying much lately
well, damn, neither have I
it was easy to point fingers at first
"we didn't start the fire" in unison
but no one did, and that's our problem
we had no flame...and no one to blame but ourselves
----

...and that's the trouble with my "poetry" it looks so much better scribbled on a notebook page than a computer screen. or maybe it's just plain not good.. and i continue to post the second "poem" of the day anyway.

feeling caged

routine never was this routine

you've seen this, i'm on cruise control

autopilot on. thinking off.

breathe here, blink now.

speak loud, hold it in.

ten more minutes and then you're free.

since when was this what we wanted to be?

meet Pain, meet Struggle.

meet Defeat.


feel nothing now and you've got it down

i think i'll go home and mull this over

I've changed a lot. I've changed since last year. I've changed since this summer. I'm probably even a different person than who I was last week. And I didn't notice any of this until now. Last year I worried about what people thought of me. I always wanted to look perfect. My day would be completely thrown if my hair wasn't just the way I wanted it. I would worry what the more popular girls would think of my clothes. I would wonder if the popular boys thought I was pretty. I acted a certain way, hoping to be accepted, hoping no one would think I was "weird". All of that was me a year ago. Then I started caring less and less about other people's opinions of me. But I still did care a lot. At the beginning of this summer I still worried about my looks a lot. I guess that changed when I went on this trip towards the end of summer. Among other people, I lived with this boy for two weeks.. he saw every side of me. I was myself. I didn't worry about clothes or makeup or my hair.. and he still liked me. I guess that's when I realized those things don't really matter. I was never nervous around him, like I am with lots of people, because I knew that I didn't have to pretend to be anything but myself. I could say whatever stupid thing popped into my head and I never worried what he thought of it. Even though that whole relationship, even friendship-wise, only lasted a few weeks, the mentality that I got out of it stayed. Now it doesn't matter to me what other people think of the way I dress or act. I'm no longer trying to look like everyone else.. I'm not trying to look different either.. I'm just, I don't know, not caring. Not saying that I don't care at all, I do, just not as much. It seems that I also have a lot more confidence than I did last year. I'm not sure where that comes from, but it's good. And I'm seeing people lately for who they are, but not judging them for it. That's good too I think.
But I've changed in bad ways too I suppose. Like not caring about school. It's honestly one of my last priorities these days. If I have a giant essay that's due the next day but I'm tired, I'd much rather go to sleep. And I do. I think I cared a lot more about my grades when I thought I was definitely going to college after high school. College is just more school though.. so why bust my ass now in school, to get into another school, where more ass-busting will take place? No, thanks, I'll find something else. I suppose I should try though.. I'm just being lazy.

i can always trust the opposite

Why do I have the feeling that I am either being left out of something or forgotten about (or both) all the time? I think it's because I am. And I'm feeling a little invisible lately, and that no one wants to talk to me, so I've been silent as well. Only a few of my so-called friends remember that I exist.

I would probably let this bother me.. if I had nothing else to worry about... but, it turns out, I do.

we're gonna die like this you know

Everyone in the world is at homecoming... and is it lame that I've done nothing all night?

Maybe a little

clark gable

On the way back from lunch, the car exploded... Well not exploded, persay, but something happened. If it had honestly exploded though, it wouldn't have mattered, because the second half of school was more pointless than the first. The only thing I accomplished fifth hour was flushing an egg down a toilet. Sixth hour was just a tiny bit more eventful. And then I was excused from seventh hour to help shovel up ashes from last night's homecoming bonfire. It's odd that I would rather do physical labor, cleaning something I had nothing to do with, than sit for 50 minutes learning about theses... but that just shows how very much I hate school.



"I want so badly to believe, that there is truth, and love is real.
And I want life in every word, to the extent that it's absurd.
I know you're wise beyond your years, but do you ever get the fear...
that your perfect verse is just a lie that you tell yourself to help you get by" -the Postal Service

'GOD loves whores'

I’m in the library for Newspaper right now. Yes.. I’m naughty…. posting during school. Badder than bad even. But I got bored with reading magazines and wandering the halls (typical day of Newspaper) blahblahblah.

I now have a great urge to dye my hair, right this second, but I can't. For one, I'm in school. For... two(?), damn chlorine will make it fade horribly, and turn my hair funny colors (like it already has). Therefore I must wait until damn swim is over, which makes me sad. I'm hating swim so much these days that anything related to swim requires a "damn" before it. Only2 more weeks though.... I think.

Today is early release... so today school gets a semi-yay. Let's all half-smile.

never smelled a tomato like that

Went to a show at the Pipe last night, let me just say those were a lot more fun last year (but when I say "last year".. I really mean a few months ago). this time wasn't too fun. it was also crowded and hot and i spent most of the time outside and molesting. I was at vanV's for the night- we went all the way to whitewater to roll a house with little to no trees... splendid. on the way back there were only two people awake, even counting the driver, who was sleeping. I woke up this morning thinking i was in an insane asylum because of plain white walls. it was worrying me for a while.

Favorite thing i've heard lately- Maj: "I love how Olyn makes people feel like idiots" i'd have to agree that i love that about me too



And Ben tells me I smell alright